As I think of them, clearly – in other words, as people do them.
1.f) Bikes. I know, I know, they’re wonderful – they’re exercise, and they’re green, and we should all share the road, kumbaya. But oh how I hate bikers. I won’t even touch the outfits (neon spandex and foolish looking helmets – really? You’re going to need that aerodynamic edge on your journey up Route 5?) (OK, so I touched). Most roads weren’t built for sharing. Look, Lance, I’m doing my best here to stay away from you and get past you, but if you insist on doing stupid things – like riding five feet away from the curb and swerving and suddenly deciding that because you’re supposed to obey the same laws as a car you also have the security of a car – there often isn’t anywhere for me to go to avoid you. And if it comes to a conflict between you on a bike and me in my car, you’re going to lose, and if you force me to kill you because you couldn’t find a more appropriate place to ride I’m going to be really upset. Yesterday I passed one fool who was wobbling about a good bit (and *no* helmet – isn’t there a helmet law? Not that it matters?) – and then a minute later passed another one, riding toward me on the same side of the road. On the wrong side of the road. Meaning that in a few minutes they were going to meet, and someone would have to give way – – into traffic. Always fun. I really don’t want to talk about kids on bikes – they scare the hell out of me.
1.g) I can’t believe I forgot this one: GET OFF MY BUMPER. Unless I’m crawling or being stupid, there is no reason in the world for you to be so close to me I can’t see your *&#! headlights. Don’t tempt me to stand on the brakes. I have an old car and my insurance is paid up.
I don’t know if there are enough letters in the alphabet for the driving list.