I didn’t realize – today is International Geek Pride Day! How lovely. It’s also Star Wars Day – although I thought that was May 4 (May the fourth be with us all) (oh – it’s the anniversary of Star Wars: A New Hope’s opening in 1977), Towel Day, and Wear the Lilac Day – how stupendous. I should be celebrating by posting my missing two Doctor Who episode reviews, but I don’t want to be up till one a.m. again even on such a momentous day, so this will have to do.
Captain Jack: I kinda figured that.
‘How do I feel? Well, I don’t know how to say it. I feel’ – he waved his arms in the air – ‘I feel like spring after winter, and sun on the leaves, and like trumpets and harps and all the songs I have ever heard!’
Always bring a banana to a party, Rose! Bananas are good!
“Marilla, isn’t it nice to think that tomorrow is a new day with no mistakes in it yet?” … “Oh, don’t you see, Marilla? There must be a limit to the mistakes one person can make, and when I get to the end of them, then I’ll be through with them. That’s a very comforting thought.”
Cheese Guy: I wear the cheese. it does not wear me.
Doctor: My head – agh – I’m having a neuron implosion – – I need – –
Jackie: What do you need?
Doctor: I need – –
Jackie: Just say!
I need …
Tell me, tell me, tell me – Painkillers?
I need …
Do you need aspirin?
Oh, I dunno, Pepto Bismol?
I need …
Liquid paraffin? Vitamin C, Vitamin D, Vitamin E?
I need …
Is it food? Something simple? Bowl of soup? Nice bowl of soup? Soup and a sandwich? Ooh – soup and a little ham sandwich?
I need you to shut up!
Oh, he hasn’t changed that much, has he?
Wash’s Stegosaurus: Everything looks good from here. Yes. Yes … this is a fertile land, and we will thrive. We will rule over all this land, and we will call it… (invention fails) “This Land.”.
Wash’s Allosaurus: I think we should call it “Your Grave!”
Stegosaurus: Ahh! Curse your sudden but inevitable betrayal!
Allosaurus (evil laugh): Mine is an evil laugh! Now die!
[The Allosaurus attacks the Stegosaurus.]
Stegosaurus: Oh, no, God! Oh, dear God in heaven!
The Doctor: Now you just wait. I’m busy. Mickey, hello! And Harriet Jones, MP from Flydale North! Blimey! It’s like This Is Your Life! Tea! A nice cup of tea. A superheated infusion of free radicals and tannin. Just the thing for heating the synapses.
The Doctor: I’m the Doctor, by the way. What’s your name?
Rose Tyler: Rose.
The Doctor: Nice to meet you, Rose. Run for your life!
Giles: It’s the end of the world.
Buffy, Willow, Xander: Again!?!
The Doctor: Sweet, maybe. Passionate, I suppose. But don’t ever mistake me for nice.
Jayne: Cap’n, can you stop her from bein’ so cheerful, please?
Mal: I don’t believe there’s a power in the ‘verse can stop Kaylee from being cheerful. Though sometimes you just want to duct tape her mouth and dump her in the hold for a month.
(Kaylee merrily leans in to kiss him on the cheek)
Kaylee: I love my captain.
Captain Jack: Never doubted him, never will.
Giles: I was going to be a fighter pilot. Or perhaps a grocer.
Xander: I put the simper in Simper Fi.
Inara: So. Would you like to lecture me the wickedness of my ways?
Book: I brought you dinner. But … if you’d prefer a lecture, I’ve some very catchy ones prepared. Sin and hellfire… one has lepers.
Buffy: Sarcasm accomplishes nothing, Giles.
G: It’s sort of an end unto itself.
Lt. Uhura: Why don’t you tell me I’m an attractive young lady, or ask me if I’ve ever been in love? Tell me how your planet Vulcan looks on a lazy evening when the moon is full.
Spock: Vulcan has no moon, Miss Uhura.
Lt. Uhura: I’m not surprised, Mr. Spock.
Gwen: Who are you?
Gwen: What’s Torchwood?
Jack: This is Torchwood.
Josiah Bartlet: In the future, if you’re wondering: “Crime. Boy, I just don’t know” was when I decided to kick your ass.
Scotty: Just before they went into warp, I beamed the whole kit and kaboodle into their engine room, where they’ll be no tribble at all.
The Doctor: We have got big problems now. They have taken the blue box, haven’t they? The angels have the phonebox.
Laurence: “The angels have the phonebox”, that’s my favourite, I’ve got that on a T-shirt.
Sally: What do you mean angels? You mean those statue things?
The Doctor: Creatures from another world.
Sally: But they’re just statues.
The Doctor: Only when you see them.
Sally: What does that mean?
The Doctor: The Lonely Assassins they used to be called. No one quite knows where they came from but they’re as old as the Universe, or very nearly, and they have survived this long because they have the most perfect defense system ever evolved. They’re quantum-locked. They don’t exist when they’re being observed. The moment they are seen by any other living creature they freeze into rock. No choice, it’s a fact of their biology, in the sight of any living thing they literally turn to stone. And you can’t kill a stone. ‘Course a stone can’t kill you either but then you turn your head away, then you blink, and oh yes it can.
Sally: (to Laurence, referring to the statue) Don’t take your eyes off that.
The Doctor: That’s why they cover their eyes. They’re not weeping, they can’t risk looking at each other. Their greatest asset is their greatest curse. They can never be seen. Loneliest creatures in the Universe. And I’m sorry. I am very, very sorry. It’s up to you now.
Sally: What am I supposed to do?
The Doctor: The blue box, it’s my time machine. There is a world of time energy in there they could feast on forever, but the damage they would do could switch off the sun. You have got to send it back to me.
Sally: How? How!?!
The Doctor: And that’s it, I’m afraid, there’s no more from you on the transcript, that’s the last I’ve got. I don’t know what stopped you talking but I can guess: they’re coming. The angels are coming for you, but listen: your life could depend on this. Don’t blink. Don’t even blink. Blink and you’re dead. They are fast, faster than you could believe, don’t turn your back, don’t look away, and don’t blink. Good luck.
Sally: No! Don’t, you can’t!
Laurence: I’ll rewind it!
Sally: What good will that do?? [they stop, staring at each other] You’re not looking at the statue.
Laurence: Neither are you.
Dr. Peter Venkman: Human sacrifice, dogs and cats living together… mass hysteria!
Here’s forty shillings on the drum
For those who’ll volunteer to come
To list and fight the foe today
Over the hills and far away
God: Do you know what grace is, Joan?
Joan: Yeah! Pissed off!
Xander: The first day of kindergarten you cried ’cause you broke the yellow crayon and you were too afraid to tell anyone. You’ve come pretty far, ending the world, not a terrific notion… but the thing is, yeah. I love you. I love crayon-breaky Willow and I love scary veiny Willow. So if I’m going out, it’s here. If you wanna kill the world, well then start with me. I’ve earned that.
Brain: Pinky, are you pondering what I’m pondering?
Pinky: I think so, Brain, but…
Ximinez: NOBODY expects the Spanish Inquisition! Our chief weapon is surprise…surprise and fear…fear and surprise…. Our two weapons are fear and surprise…and ruthless efficiency…. Our *three* weapons are fear, surprise, and ruthless efficiency…and an almost fanatical devotion to the Pope…. Our *four*…no… *Amongst* our weapons…. Amongst our weaponry…are such elements as fear, surprise…. I’ll come in again.
[The Inquisition exits]
Chapman: I didn’t expect a kind of Spanish Inquisition.
[The cardinals burst in]
Ximinez: NOBODY expects the Spanish Inquisition! Amongst our weaponry are such diverse elements as: fear, surprise, ruthless efficiency, an almost fanatical devotion to the Pope, and nice red uniforms – Oh damn!
Niles: The only thing the Crane boys are skilled at catching is sarcastic nuance and the occasional virus.
Donna: What did you do?
Doctor: Guess what I’ve got, Donna: Pockets.
Donna: How did that fit in there?
Doctor: They’re bigger on the inside.
I’ve kind of neglected Star Wars, here, so – go here!
Doctor: You could stay here, fill your life with work and food and sleep … or you could go … anywhere.
Doctor: Well, what else is there? I mean, you lot – all you do is eat chips, go to bed, and watch telly. While all the time underneath you there’s a war going on.
Gwen: You go to school, you go to work, you go to bed. You eat. You get kissed. You have sex. You fall in love, or you don’t. But it’s work and bed and food and sleep, two weeks in Spain, and Christmas and birthdays and weekends, every single day until it stops. That’s the world. That’s the world I live in. That’s all there is. (Jack comes up to stand beside her) How much more is there?
Jack (with a slightly awed laugh in his voice): So much more.
Beneath the roof there is a bed;
But not yet weary are our feet,
Still round the corner we may meet
A sudden tree or standing stone
That none have seen but we alone
Tree and flower and leaf and grass,
Let them pass! Let them pass!
Hill and water under sky,
Pass them by! Pass them by!
Still round the corner there may wait
A new road or a secret gate,
And though we pass them by today,
Tomorrow we may come this way
And take the hidden paths that run
Towards the Moon or to the Sun.
Apple, thorn, and nut and sloe
Let them go! Let them go!
Sand and stone and pool and dell,
Fare you well! Fare you well!
Home is behind, the world ahead,
And there many paths to tread
Through shadows to the edge of night,
Untill the stars are all alight.
Then world behind and home ahead,
We’ll wander back to home and bed.
Mist and twilight, cloud and Shade,
Away shall fade! Away shall fade!
Fire and lamp, and meat and bread,
And then to bed! And then to bed!
And now to bed! And now to bed!
The irony, of course, being that it’s almost 1 a.m. …