Series 1 (2006–2007)
01 “Everything Changes”
Gwen: But hold on, if no one can see it when the lift’s coming up, there’s a great big bloody hole in the floor. Don’t people fall in?
Jack: That is so Welsh.
Gwen: What is?
Jack: I show you something fantastic; you find fault.
Jack: Worse still, you’ll have forgotten me. Which is kinda tragic.
Gwen: I’m getting tired of following you.
Jack: No. You’re not. And you never will.
Jack (re the invisible lift): If I had to guess, I would say that there was once a dimensionally transcendental chameleon circuit placed right on this spot, which welded its perception properties to a spatial-temporal rift.
But that sounds kind of ridiculous.
Gwen: You get up, you have breakfast, you drink coffee, you go to
work. You come home, you have pizza or chips, you watch telly, you have sex, you
go to sleep. Weekends you go out with your friends, a week in Spain every other
year… and that’s all there is.
Jack: There’s so much more.
02 “Day One”
Jack: Sometimes a little technobabble is good for the soul.
Jack: Tosh was right – she went straight for the ex-boyfriend. Lucky she’s young; work your way through my back catalogue, we’ll be here till the Sun explodes.
03 “Ghost Machine”
Jack: Ianto? I need to hear those beautiful Welsh vowels!
05 “Small Worlds”
Toshiko (Talking about a tent): Need any help getting it up Owen?
Owen: If I did, I wouldn’t ask you.
Owen (while cleaning Gwen’s shotgun wound): There’s going to be a certain amount of residue, so just lie back and think of Torchwood.
07 “Greeks Bearing Gifts”
08 “They Keep Killing Suzie”
Owen: You know, we never gave it a cool name.
Tosh: I thought we just called it “the Resurrection Gauntlet”.
Owen: Cool name.
Ianto: What about… the Risen Mitten?
(Jack raises his eyebrows and Owen rolls his eyes despairingly.)
Ianto: I think it’s catchy.
Ianto (deadpan): Life knife.
Jack: Give Ianto a stopwatch, and he’s happy.
Ianto: It’s the button on the top.
Jack (stunning Max): That one’s for Ianto. Risen Mitten, Life Knife, and that old classic…Stun Gun.
Ianto: You know, I still have that stopwatch.
Ianto: Think about it, lots of things you can do with a stopwatch.
Jack: Oh yeah, I can think of a few.
Ianto: There’s quite a list.
Jack: I’ll send the others home early, see you in my office in ten.
Ianto: That’s ten minutes… and counting.
(Jack starts to walk away)
Ianto: Oh, Jack? What do you want me to say on the death certificate?
Jack: Good question.
Ianto: She had quite a few deaths in the end.
Jack: I don’t know. ‘Death by Torchwood’.
Ianto: I’ll put a lock on the door. Just in case she goes walking again.
Jack: Nah. No chance of that. The Resurrection days are over, thank God.
Ianto: Oh, I wouldn’t be too sure. That’s the thing about gloves, sir. They come in pairs.
09 “Random Shoes”
10 “Out of Time”
12 “Captain Jack Harkness”
13 “End of Days”
14 “Kiss Kiss, Bang Bang”
Jack: Captain Jack Harkness. Note the stripes!
John: Captain John Hart. Note the sarcasm.
Jack: I worked my way up through the ranks.
John: I’ll bet the ranks were very grateful.
John (on meeting the group): No blond, though. You need a blond.
Jack: By the way, was that a yes?
Ianto: Yes. Y-yes.
Jack grins and leaves, leaving Ianto with the opportunity to ponder what he’s gotten into
Gwen: John’s right – sorry, em, do you prefer ‘John’ or ‘Captain’?
John: With eyes like yours, you can call me Vera and I won’t complain.
Gwen: Tosh and Owen take the west, Jack and Ianto go north. Me and Vera will take the docks.
Gwen: You are unbelievable!
John: And yet you find me strangely attractive.
16 “To the Last Man”
Owen: We’ve handled bigger than this – why don’t we just storm in guns in the air and arrest them?
Jack: If we go in guns blazing they’ll kill the evidence and run.
O: I wasn’t suggesting blazing, just waving.
20 “Dead Man Walking”
21 “A Day in the Death”
22 “Something Borrowed”
23 “From Out of the Rain”
26 “Exit Wounds”
27 Children of Earth, “Day One”
Myfanwy the pterodactyl.
John Barrowman: And that’s not to say I’m not religious, because I do believe in God, and I believe that I was created as I am, and that He loves me, or She… you know, whoever God may be, that Creator loves me and created me this way for a reason. And my mother believes that, my father believes that, my family believe that. (But) it’s something that then those religious groups take that word ‘marriage’ because they think they own it. And that’s what a lot of those religious groups do – they think they own God. And they don’t. They don’t own God. God owns us.
John: My parents have always brought us up to believe that sex and sexuality are something to be proud of, and you don’t have to flaunt it if you don’t want to. People don’t walk around with a banner saying they’re straight, so why should I walk around with one saying I’m gay? I understand there are people who want to and need to make that statement, and I appreciate that, but don’t come down on me because I’m not one of them.
His current billboard campaign showing in Scotland. “Some people are gay. Get over it.”
Season 1 (1963–1964)
An Unearthly Child
The Edge of Destruction
The Keys of Marinus
The Reign of Terror
Season 2 (1964–1965)
Planet of Giants
The Dalek Invasion of Earth
The Web Planet
The Space Museum
The Time Meddler
Season 3 (1965–1966)
Mission to the Unknown
The Myth Makers
The Daleks’ Master Plan
The Massacre of St Bartholomew’s Eve
The Celestial Toymaker
The War Machines
Season 4 (1966–67)
The Tenth Planet
Season 4 (1966–67) continued
The Power of the Daleks
The Underwater Menace
The Macra Terror
The Faceless Ones
The Evil of the Daleks
Season 5 (1967–68)
The Tomb of the Cybermen
The Abominable Snowmen
The Ice Warriors
The Enemy of the World
The Web of Fear
Fury from the Deep
The Wheel in Space
Season 6 (1968–69)
The Mind Robber
The Seeds of Death
The Space Pirates
The War Games
Season 7 (1970)
Spearhead from Space
Doctor Who and the Silurians
The Ambassadors of Death
Season 8 (1971)
Terror of the Autons
The Mind of Evil
The Claws of Axos
Colony in Space
Season 9 (1972)
Day of the Daleks
The Curse of Peladon
The Sea Devils
The Time Monster
Season 10 (1972–1973)
The Three Doctors
Carnival of Monsters
Frontier in Space
Planet of the Daleks
The Green Death
Season 11 (1973–74)
The Time Warrior
Invasion of the Dinosaurs
Death to the Daleks
The Monster of Peladon
Planet of the Spiders
Season 12 (1974–75)
You may be a doctor, but I’m the Doctor. The definite article, you might say.
The Ark in Space
The Sontaran Experiment
Genesis of the Daleks
Revenge of the Cybermen
Season 13 (1975–76)
Terror of the Zygons
Planet of Evil
Pyramids of Mars
The Android Invasion
The Brain of Morbius
The Seeds of Doom
Season 14 (1976–77)
The Masque of Mandragora
The Hand of Fear
The Deadly Assassin
The Face of Evil
The Robots of Death
The Talons of Weng-Chiang
D: I’ve always enjoyed messing about in boats.
My dear Litefoot, I’ve got a lantern, a pair of waders, and possibly the most fearsome piece of hand artillery in all England. What could possibly go wrong?
Sleep is for tortoises.
“Eureka” is Greek for “this bath is too hot”.
What kind of crossfire? Hazelnuts? Bread pellets?
Season 15 (1977–78)
Horror of Fang Rock
The Invisible Enemy
Image of the Fendahl
The Sun Makers
The Invasion of Time
Season 16 (1978–79)
The Key to Time
The Ribos Operation
The Pirate Planet
Romana: But how, how do you know?
The Doctor: Well, I just put 1.795372 and 2.204628 together.
R: What does that mean?
D (readying for mimed golf swing) Four!
Kimas: I don’t understand.
D: Exciting, isn’t it?
By the left frontal lobe of the sky demon!
By the curléd fangs of the sky demon!
The Stones of Blood
The Androids of Tara
The Power of Kroll
The Armageddon Factor
Season 17 (1979–1980)
Destiny of the Daleks
City of Death
The Creature from the Pit
Nightmare of Eden
The Horns of Nimon
Season 18 (1980–81)
The Leisure Hive
State of Decay
The Keeper of Traken
Season 19 (1982)
Four to Doomsday
Season 20 (1983)
Arc of Infinity
The King’s Demons
Special (1983)The Five Doctors
Season 21 (1984)
Warriors of the Deep
Resurrection of the Daleks
Planet of Fire
The Caves of Androzani
Season 21 (1984) continued
The Twin Dilemma
Season 22 (1985)
Attack of the Cybermen
Vengeance on Varos
The Mark of the Rani
The Two Doctors
Revelation of the Daleks
Season 23 (1986)
The Mysterious Planet
Terror of the Vervoids
The Ultimate Foe
Season 24 (1987)
Time and the Rani
Delta and the Bannermen
Season 25 (1988–1989)
Remembrance of the Daleks
The Happiness Patrol
The Greatest Show in the Galaxy
Season 26 (1989)
The Curse of Fenric
Russell T. Davies (Appearing on BBC Wales Today, July 20, 2004, responding to the question, “why do you think people love Doctor Who so much?”): Because it’s the best idea ever invented in the history of the world!
Series 1 (2005)
The Doctor: I’m the Doctor, by the way. What’s your name?
Rose Tyler: Rose.
The Doctor: Nice to meet you, Rose. Run for your life!
Rose: Who are you?
Doctor: I told you! The Doctor.
Rose: Yeah. But Doctor what?
Doctor: Just the Doctor.
Rose: The Doctor.
Rose: Is that supposed to sound impressive?
Doctor: Sort of.
Rose: Who are you, then? Who’s that lot down there? I said, who are they?
Doctor: They’re made of plastic. Living plastic creatures. They’re being controlled by a relay device in the roof. Which would be a great big problem if I didn’t have this. (holds up sonic screwdriver) So! I’m going to go up there and blow them up, and I might well die in the process. But don’t worry about me, no. Go home, go on! Go and have your lovely beans on toast. Don’t tell anyone about this, because if you do, you’ll get them killed.
Jackie Tyler: I’m in my dressing gown.
The Doctor: Yes, you are.
Jackie: There’s a strange man in my bedroom.
The Doctor: Yes, there is.
Jackie: Well, anything could happen.
The Doctor: No.
Doctor: What’re you doing here?
Rose: I live here.
Doctor: Well, what do you do that for?
Rose: Because I do! And I’m only at home because someone blew up my job.
Doctor: Must’ve got the wrong signal. You’re not plastic, are you? No, bonehead. Bye, then!
Rose (the Doctor is being attacked by the disembodied hand) Honestly, give a man a plastic hand… anyway, I don’t even know your name, Doctor… what was it?
The Doctor takes his coffee with “just milk”. Note to self, just in case.
Rose: Is that it, then? Dishing out chips?
Rose: Hold on a minute, you can’t just go swanning off.
Doctor: Yes I can. Here I am, this is me, swanning off. See ya!
Rose: So, what you’re saying is, the entire world revolves around you.
Doctor: Sort of, yeah.
Rose: You’re full of it!
Doctor: Sort of, yeah!
Doctor (as he finally twigs to what Rose is getting at with the Eye): Fantastic!
Doctor: I mean, you lot, all you do is eat chips, go to bed, and watch telly! When all the time, underneath you, there’s a war going on!
Doctor: The assembled hordes of Genghis Khan couldn’t get through that door, and believe me, they’ve tried.
Rose: Really though, Doctor. Tell me. Who are you?
The Doctor: Do you know like we were saying? About the Earth revolving? It’s like when you’re a kid. The first time they tell you that the Earth’s turning and you just can’t believe it because everything looks like it’s standing still. I can feel it: the turn of the Earth. The ground beneath our feet is spinning at a thousand miles an hour. And the entire planet is hurtling around the sun at 67,000 thousand miles an hour and I can feel it. We’re falling through space, you and me. Clinging to the skin of this tiny little world and if we let go… that’s who I am. Now forget me, Rose Tyler. Go home.
Doctor: Where do you want to start?
Rose: Um… the inside’s bigger than the outside?
Rose: It’s alien.
Rose: Are you alien?
Rose: I’ll have to tell his mother he’s dead, and you just went and forgot him, again! (the Doctor rolls his eyes, unconcerned) You were right, you are alien.
Doctor: Look, if I did forget some kid called Mickey–
Rose: Yeah, he’s not a kid.
Doctor: It’s because I’m trying to save the life of every stupid ape blundering on top of this planet, alright?
Rose: If you are an alien how come you sound like you’re from the North?
The Doctor: Lots of planets have a North.
Rose (joking) You were useless in there. You’d be dead if it wasn’t for me.
Doctor: Yes, I would. Thank you. Right then! I’ll be off! Unless, uh… I don’t know… you could come with me. This box isn’t just a London hopper, you know, it goes anywhere in the universe free of charge.
Mickey: Don’t! He’s an alien! He’s a thing!
The Doctor: He’s not invited. What do you think? You could stay here and fill your life with work and food and drink or you could go… anywhere.
Rose: Is it always this dangerous?
The Doctor: Yeah.
Doctor: You could stay here – fill your life with work and food and sleep, or you could go – – anywhere.
Doctor: By the way – did I mention, it also travels in time? (Rose kisses Mickey on the cheek and runs joyfully into the TARDIS)
The End of the World
The Doctor: Step outside, it’s the year 12,005. The New Roman Empire.
Rose: You think you’re so impressive.
The Doctor: I am so impressive.
The Doctor (about the invite): The paper’s slightly psychic. Show them whatever I want them to see.
Rose: He’s blue.
Doctor: You lot. You spend all your time thinking about dying. Like you’re gonna be killed by eggs or beef or global warming or asteroids. But you never take the time to imagine the impossible: that maybe you survive.
Doctor: Perhaps a man enjoys trouble when there’s nothing else left.
Jabe: The gift of peace. I bring you a cutting of my grandfather.
Doctor: Thank you. Yes, gifts. I give you, in return, air from my lungs. (blows on her)
Jabe: How… intimate.
Doctor: There’s more where that came from.
Rose: As my mate Shareen says, “Don’t argue with the designated driver.” (pulling out her cell phone) Can’t exactly call for a taxi. There’s no signal. We’re out of range. Just a bit.
Doctor: Tell you what, with a little bit of jiggery-pokery—
Rose: Is that a technical term, jiggery-pokery?
Doctor: Yeah. I came first in jiggery-pokery. What about you?
Rose: No. I failed hullabaloo.
Rose: Where’m I gonna go? Ipswich?
Rose: How many operations have you had?
Cassandra: 708. Next week, it’s 709. I’m having my blood bleached. Is that why you wanted a word? You could be flatter. You’ve got a little bit of a chin poking out.
Rose: I’d rather die.
Cassandra: Honestly, it doesn’t hurt.
Rose: I mean it. I would rather die. It’s better to die than to live like you. A bitchy trampoline.
Rose: Help her.
Doctor: Everything has its time and everything dies.
The Doctor: You think it’ll last forever. People and cars and concrete. But it won’t. And one day it’s all gone. Even the sky. (pause) My planet’s gone. It’s dead. It burned like the Earth. It’s just rocks and dust. Before its time.
Rose: What happened?
The Doctor: There was a war and we lost.
Rose: A war with who? What about your people?
The Doctor: I’m a Time Lord. I’m the last of the Time Lords. They’re all gone. I’m the only survivor. I’m left traveling on my own because there’s no one else.
Rose: There’s me.
Doctor: You’ve seen how dangerous it is. Do you want to go home?
Rose: I don’t know. I want … (is distracted) Can you smell chips?
Doctor (laughing): Yeah… yeah!
Rose: I want chips!
Doctor: Me too!
The Unquiet Dead
Doctor: Oi, where do you think you’re going?
The Doctor: Goin’ out there, dressed like that? You’ll start a riot, Barbarella. (pointing) There’s a wardrobe through there. First left, second right, third on the left, go straight ahead, under the stairs, past the bins, fifth door on your left. Hurry up!
Doctor (reading the paper): I got the date a bit wrong.
Rose: I don’t care.
Doctor: It’s not 1860. It’s 1869.
Rose: I don’t care.
Doctor: And it’s not Naples.
Rose: I don’t care.
Doctor: It’s Cardiff.
Rose (beat): Right.
Doctor: Did it say anything? Did it speak? I’m The Doctor, by the way.
Charles Dickens: Doctor? You look more like a nanny.
Doctor: What’s wrong with this jumper?
Dickens: Must be we’re under some kind of mesmeric influence.
Doctor: No we’re not. The dead are walking. (to Rose) Hi.
Rose: Hi. Who’s your friend?
Doctor: Charles Dickens.
Doctor (about Gwyneth): Now don’t antagonize her. I love a happy medium.
Rose: I can’t believe you just said that.
Dickens: Incredible. Ghosts that are not ghosts, but beings from another world that can only exist in our realm by inhabiting cadavers.
Doctor: Good system. Might work.
Rose: You can’t let them run around inside dead people.
Doctor: Why not? It’s like recycling.
Rose: Seriously though, you can’t.
Doctor: Seriously though, I can.
Doctor: Mr. Sneed, what’s the weakest part of this house? The place where most of the ghosts have been seen?
Mr. Sneed: That would be… the morgue.
Rose: No chance you were going to say “gazebo”, is there?
Doctor: What about me? I saw the fall of Troy. World War V. I pushed boxes at the Boston Tea Party. Now I’m going to die in a dungeon. In Cardiff.
Aliens of London
World War Three
The Doctor: I think you’ll find that the Prime Minister is an alien in disguise. (pause) That’s never gonna work, is it?
Slitheen: Who are you, if not human?
Harriet Jones: Who’s not human?
Rose: He’s not a human.
Harriet Jones: He’s not human?
Doctor (to Rose and Harriet): Can I have a bit of a hush?
Harriet Jones: Sorry.
The Doctor (to the Slitheen): So, what’s the plan?
Harriet Jones: But he’s got a Northern accent.
Rose: Lots of planets have a North.
Doctor: I said “hush”.
Harriet: Voicemail dooms us all.
Rose: If we could just get out of here.
Doctor: There’s a way out.
Doctor: There’s always been a way out.
Rose: Then why don’t we use it?
Doctor (to Jackie): Because I can’t guarantee your daughter will be safe.
Jackie: Don’t you dare. Whatever it is, don’t you dare.
Doctor: That’s the thing. If I don’t dare, everyone dies.
Rose: My mother’s cooking.
The Doctor: Good. Put her on a slow heat and let her simmer.
Dalek: I am a soldier. I was bred to receive orders.
Doctor: Well you’re never gonna get them. Not ever.
Dalek: I demand orders!
Doctor: They’re never gonna come! Your race is dead. You all burned—all of you. Ten million ships on fire. The entire Dalek race, wiped out in one second.
Dalek: You lie!
Doctor: I watched it happen. I made it happen.
Dalek: You destroyed us?
Doctor: I had no choice.
Dalek: And what of the Time Lords?
Doctor: Dead. They burned with you. The end of the last great Time War. Everyone lost.
Dalek: And the coward survived.
Doctor: Rose, did you make it?
Rose: Sorry, I was a bit slow. See you then, Doctor. It wasn’t your fault. Remember that, okay? You know what? I wouldn’t have missed it for the world.
Doctor: Let me tell you something, Van Statten. Mankind goes into space to explore, to be part of something greater.
Van Statten: Exactly! I wanted to touch the stars.
Doctor: You just want to drag the stars down and stick them underground, underneath tons of sand and dirt, and label them. You’re about as far from the stars as you can get.
Doctor (sorting through alien weapons): Broken. Broken. Hairdryer.
Doctor: That thing killed hundreds of people.
Rose: It’s not the one pointing the gun at me.
Dalek: Are you frightened, Rose Tyler?
Dalek: So am I. Exterminate.
The Long Game
Doctor: The fourth great and bountiful human Empire. And there it is. Planet Earth. At its height. Covered with mega-cities. Five moons. Population: 96 billion. The hub of a galactic domain. Stretching across a million planets, a million species. With mankind right in the middle.
Doctor: He’s your boyfriend.
Rose: Not anymore.
Rose: So all the people on Earth are like, slaves.
The Editor: Well, now. There’s an interesting point. Is a slave a slave if he doesn’t know he’s enslaved?
The Editor: I was hoping for a philosophical debate. Is that all I’m going to get? “Yes.”?
The Editor: You’re no fun.
Doctor: Let me out of these manacles. You’ll find out how much fun I am.
Rose: What about you? You’re not a jagra-a-benny
Rose: You’re not a jagrafess.
The Editor: Yeah, well, simply being human doesn’t pay very well.
Rose: It’s so weird. The day my father died. I thought it’d be all gloomy and stormy. It’s just another day.
Doctor: The past is another country. 1987 is just the Isle of Wight.
Stewart Hoskins: Excuse me, Mister…?
Hoskins: You seem to know what’s going on.
Doctor: I give that impression, yeah.
The Empty Child
Rose: What’s the emergency?
Doctor: It’s mauve.
Doctor: Universally recognized color for danger.
Rose: What happened to red?
Doctor: That’s just humans. By everyone else’s standards, red’s camp. Oh, the misunderstandings. All those red alerts, all that dancing. It’s got a very basic flight computer. I’ve hacked in, slaved the TARDIS. Wherever it goes, we go.
Rose: And it’s safe, is it?
Doctor: Totally. Things go awry. Okay, reasonably. I should have said reasonably there.
Doctor: You know how long you can knock around space without having to bump into Earth?
Rose: Five days? Or is that just when we’re out of milk?
Doctor: All the species in all of the universe and it has to come out of a cow.
Rose: Not very Spock, is it? Just asking.
Doctor: Door, music, people. What do you think?
Rose: I think you should scan for alien tech. Give me some Spock. For once, would it kill you?
The Doctor (to the cat): One day, just one day, maybe, I’m going to meet someone who gets the whole “Don’t wander off.” Nine hundred years of phonebox travel, it’s the only thing left to surprise me. (The phonebox rings)
Doctor: So that’s what you do, is it, Nancy?
Nancy: What is?
Doctor: As soon as the sirens go, you find a big fat family meal, still warm on the table with everyone down in the air raid shelter and bingo! Feeding frenzy for the homeless kids of Londontown. Pudding for all. As long as the bombs don’t get you.
Nancy: Something wrong with that?
Doctor: Wrong with it? It’s brilliant. I’m not sure if it’s Marxism in action or a West End musical.
Doctor: 1941. Right now, not very far from here, the German war machine is rolling up the map of Europe. Country after country, falling like dominos. Nothing can stop it—nothing. Until one tiny, damp little island says “No. No. Not here.” A mouse in front of a lion. You’re amazing, the lot of you. I don’t know what you do to Hitler, but you frighten the hell out of me.
Doctor: You’re very sick.
Dr. Constantine: Dying, I should think. I just haven’t been able to find the time. Are you a doctor?
Doctor: I have my moments.
Doctor: Mr. Spock?
Rose: What was I supposed to say? You don’t have a name. Don’t you ever get tired of Doctor? Doctor who?
Doctor: Nine centuries and I’m coping.
The Doctor Dances
Rose: Look at you, beaming away like you’re Father Christmas!
Doctor: Who says I’m not, red-bicycle-when-you-were-twelve?
Doctor: I’m really glad that worked. Those would have been terrible last words.
Doctor: Sonic Blaster. 54th century. Weapons factory at ( ).
Jack: You’ve been to the factories?
Jack: Well they’re gone now. Destroyed. Main reactor went critical. Vaporized the lot.
Doctor: Like I said: once. There’s a banana grove there now. I like bananas. Bananas are good.
Doctor: Funny little human brains, how do you get around in those things?
Rose: When he’s stressed he likes to insult species.
Doctor: Don’t drop the banana!
Jack: Why not?
Doctor: Good source of potassium!
Jack: Who has a sonic screwdriver?
Doctor: I do!
Jack: Who looks at a screwdriver and thinks, “Woo, this could be a little more sonic.”?
Doctor: What, you’ve never been bored? Never had a long night? Never had a lot of cabinets to put up?
Rose: Okay, so he’s vanished into thin air. Why is it always the great looking ones who do that?
Doctor: I’m making an effort not to be insulted.
Rose: I mean… men.
Doctor: Okay, thanks. That really helped.
Rose: Doesn’t the universe implode or something if you dance?
Doctor: Well I’ve got the moves but I wouldn’t want to boast.
Doctor: We were talking about dancing.
Captain Jack: Didn’t look like talking.
Rose: Didn’t feel like dancing.
Doctor: Relax. He’s a 51st century guy. He’s just a bit more flexible when it comes to dancing.
Doctor: Everybody lives, Rose! Just this once, everybody lives!
Mrs. Harker: Mr. Constantine.
Mr. Constantine: Mrs. Harker. How much better you’re looking.
Mrs. Harker: My leg’s grown back. When I come to the ‘ospital I had one leg.
Mr. Constantine: Well, there is a war on. Is it possible you miscounted?
Doctor: History said there was an explosion here. Who am I to argue with history?
Rose: Usually the first in line.
Doctor: Rose, I just remembered.
Doctor: I can dance. I can dance!
Rose: Actually, Doctor, I think Jack might like this dance.
Doctor: I’m sure he would Rose. I’m absolutely certain. But who with?
Mickey (to Jack): What are you captain of? The innuendo squad?
Secretary: The Lord Miss thanks you for dropping by but can’t see you at the moment. Perhaps if you could make an appointment for next week…
Doctor: She’s climbing out the window, isn’t she?
Secretary: Yes she is.
Margaret: Take me home and you take me to death.
Doctor: Not my problem.
Doctor: You’re pleading for mercy out of a dead woman’s lips.
Blon: I spared her life.
Doctor: You let one of them go, but that’s nothing new. Every now and then, a little victim’s spared… because she smiled, ’cause he’s got freckles, ’cause they begged. And that’s how you live with yourself, that’s how you slaughter millions, because once in a while, on a whim, if the wind’s in the right direction, you happen to be kind.
Blon: Only a killer would know that.
Captain Jack ( Finding himself on What Not to Wear): Am I naked in front of millions of viewers?
Captain Jack: Ladies, your viewing figures just went up.
Captain Jack: Hold on, ladies. I don’t want to have to shoot either one of you.
Trin-E: But you’re unarmed. You’re naked!
Zu-Zana: But… that’s a Compact Laser Deluxe!
Trin-E: Where were you hiding that accessory?
Jack: Ladies, you really don’t wanna know.
Lackey: Open the door and let us out. The staff are terrified!
Doctor: That’s the same staff who execute hundreds of contestants every day.
Lackey: That’s not our fault. We’re just doing our jobs.
Doctor: And with that sentence you just lost the right to even talk to me. Now back off!
Dalek: I will talk to the Doctor.
Doctor: Oh will you? That’s nice. Hello!
Dalek: The Dalek strategem nears completion. The fleet is almost ready. You will not intervene.
Doctor: Oh really? Why’s that, then?
Dalek: We have your associate. You will obey or she will be exterminated.
Dalek: Explain yourself.
Doctor: I said, “No.”
Dalek: What is the meaning of this negative?
Doctor: It means, “No.”
Dalek: But she will be destroyed!
Doctor: No! ‘Cause this is what I’m gonna do. I’m gonna rescue her. I’m gonna save Rose Tyler from the middle of the Dalek fleet, and then I’m gonna save the Earth. And then—just to finish off—I’m gonna wipe every last stinking Dalek out of the sky!
Dalek: But you have no weapons, no defenses, no plan.
Doctor: Yeah! And doesn’t that scare you to death? Rose?
Rose: Yes, Doctor?
Doctor: I’m coming to get you.
The Parting of the Ways
Doctor: They went off to fight a bigger war. A Time War.
Captain Jack: I thought that was just a legend.
Doctor: I was there. The war between the Daleks and the time Lords. With the whole of creation at stake. My people were destroyed, but they took the Daleks with them. I almost thought it was worth it. Now it turns out they died for nothing.
Doctor: You know what they call me in the ancient legends on the Dalek home world? “The Oncoming Storm”. You might have removed all your emotions, but I reckon right down in your DNA there’s one little spark left. And that’s fear. Doesn’t it just burn when you face me?
The Dalek Emperor: Do not interrupt!
Doctor: I think you’re forgetting something. I’m the Doctor and if there’s one thing I can do it’s talk! I’ve got five billion languages and you haven’t got one way of stopping me. So if anybody’s gonna shut up, it’s you!
Captain Jack: It’s been fun, but I guess this is goodbye.
Rose: Don’t talk like that. The Doctor’s gonna do it. Just, watch him.
Captain Jack: Rose, you are worth fighting for. (kisses her) Wish I’d never met you Doctor. I was much better off as a coward. (kisses him. To both-) See you in hell.
The Doctor hologram: This is Emergency Program One. Rose, now listen. This is important. If this message is activated then it can only mean one thing: we must be in danger. And I mean fatal. I’m dead, or about to die any second. We have no chance of escape—
Doctor: —and that’s okay. I hope it’s a good death. I promised to look after you and that’s what I’m doing. The TARDIS is taking you home—
Rose: I won’t let you.
Doctor: —And I bet you’re fussing and moaning right now. Typical. But just hold on and listen a bit more. The TARDIS can never return for me. Emergency Program One means I’m facing an enemy that should never get their hands on this machine. So this is what you should do: let the TARDIS die. Just let this old box gather dust. No one can open it, no one will even notice it. Let it become a strange little thing standing on a street corner. And over the years the world will move on and the box will be buried. And if you want to remember me, you can do one thing. That’s all. One thing. (the hologram turns to look at Rose) Have a good life. Do that for me, Rose. Have a fantastic life.
Captain Jack: Never doubted him, never will.
Mickey: Have you tried that new pizza place on Midnight Road?
Jackie: What’s it selling?
Jackie: Oh that’s nice. They deliver?
Jackie: Oh Rose, have something to eat.
Rose: Two hundred thousand years in the future he’s dying and there’s nothing I can do.
Jackie: Well like you said, two hundred thousand years in the future — it’s way off.
Rose: But it’s not. It’s now. That fight is happening right now. And he’s fighting for us, for the whole planet, and I’m just sitting here eating chips!
Jackie: Listen to me. God knows I’ve hated that man, but right now I love him, and do you know why? Because he did the right thing — he sent you back to me.
Rose: But what do I do every day mum? What do I do? Get up. Catch the bus. Go to work. Come back home, eat chips and go to bed, is that it?
Mickey: It’s what the rest of us do.
Rose: But I can’t.
Mickey: Why? ‘Cause you’re better than us?
Rose: No! I didn’t mean that! It was. . . it was a better life. I don’t mean all the travelling, seeing aliens and spaceships and things, that don’t matter. The Doctor showed me a better way of living your life. You know, he showed you too. That you don’t just give up. You don’t let things happen. You make a stand. You say ‘no’. You’ve got to do what’s right when everyone else runs away and I just can’t!
Captain Jack: I kinda figured that.
Dalek Emperor: Then prove yourself, Doctor. What are you? Coward or killer?
Doctor: Coward. Any day.
Rose: I can see everything. All that is, all that was, all that ever could be.
Doctor: That’s what I see. All the time. Doesn’t it drive you mad?
Rose: My head—
Doctor: Come here.
Rose: —is killing me.
Doctor: I think you need a doctor.
Doctor: Rose Tyler, I was going to take you to so many places.
Doctor: Rose, before I go, I just want to tell you. You were fantastic. Absolutely fantastic. And you know what? So was I.
Doctor Who: Children in Need – Children in Need special (7 mins) 18 November 2005
The Christmas Invasion
Mickey: Who is he? Where’s the Doctor?
Rose: That’s him. Right in front of you. That’s the Doctor.
Jackie: What’dya mean that’s the Doctor? Doctor who?
Rose: Both working.
Jackie: What do you mean both?
Rose: He’s got two hearts.
Jackie: Oh don’t be stupid.
Rose: Well, he has.
Jackie: What else has he got two of?
Rose: Leave him alone.
Jackie: How can he go changing his face? Is that a different face or is he a different person?
Rose: How should I know? Sorry. Thing is … I thought I knew him, Mum. I thought me and him were… And then there’s this. I keep forgettin’ he’s not human. The big question is … where’d you get a pair of men’s pajamas from?
Rose: Is that Harriet Jones? (walks out of the kitchen toward the tv in the next room)
Jackie (sighs): Never mind me! (follows)
Rose: Why is she on the telly?
Jackie: Prime Minister now. I’m 18 quid a week better off. They’re calling it Britain’s Golden Age. I keep on saying ‘My Rose has met her.’
Rose: Did more than that – we stopped World War III together. Harriet Jones…
Rose: I must drive you mad. I’m surprised you don’t give up on me.
Mickey: Oh that’s the one thing, isn’t it. You can rely on me. I don’t go changing my face.
Mickey: I can’t even go shopping with you, we get attacked by a brass band.
Rose: Where’d you get that tree? That’s a new tree, where’d you get it?
Jackie: I thought it was you.
Rose: How could it be me?
Jackie: You went shopping, there was a ring at the door and there it was. …
Rose: Oh you’re kidding me.
Jackie: I’m gonna get killed by a Christmas tree!
Doctor: My head! (groans) I’m having a neuron implosion… I need…
Jackie: What do you need?
Doctor: I need…
Jackie: Just say it!
Doctor: I need…
Jackie: Tell me, tell me, tell me!
Doctor: I need…
Doctor: I need…
Jackie: D’you need aspirin?
Doctor: I need…
Jackie: Codeine? Paracetamol? Oh, I dunno, Pepto-Bismol?
Doctor: I need…
Jackie: Liquid paraffin? Vitamin C, vitamin D, vitamin E?
Doctor: I need…
Jackie: Is it food? Something simple? Bowl of soup? Nice bowl of soup? Soup and a sandwich? Bowl of soup and a nice ham sandwich?
Doctor: I need you to *shut up*!
Jackie: Oooh, he hasn’t changed that much, has he?
Guard: Mr. Llewellyn, ma’am.
Harriet (holding up badge): Harriet Jones, Prime Minister.
Llewellyn: Well, yes, I know who you are.
Harriet: I don’t think we’ve been introduced. Harriet Jones, Prime Minister.
Sally Jacobs: Yes, I know who you are.
Llewellyn: Maybe they’re not actual Martians.
Major Blake: Of course not. Martians look completely different.
Harriet: I don’t suppose we’ve had a Code Nine? No sign of The Doctor?
Major Blake: Nothing yet. You’ve met him haven’t you? He’s like the stuff of legend.
Harriet: He is that.
Harriet: Failing him, what about Torchwood?
Major Blake: I –
Harriet: I know, I’m not supposed to know about it, I realise that, not even the United Nations knows. But if ever there was a need for Torchwood, it’s now.
Major Blake: I can’t take responsibility.
Harriet: I can. See to it. Get them ready.
Harriet: Ladies and gentlemen, if I may take a moment during this terrible time. It’s hardly the Queen’s speech, I’m afraid that’s been cancelled. (to someone off screen) Did we ask about the Royal Family? Oh. (to camera) They’re on the roof.
Harriet: …I have one request. Doctor, if you’re out there, we need you. I don’t know what to do. If you can hear me, Doctor, if anyone knows the Doctor, if anyone can find him, the situation has never been more desperate. Help us. Please Doctor. Help us.
Rose (sobbing): He’s gone. The Doctor’s gone. He left me, Mum. He left me.
Daniel Llewellyn: What’s happening?
Harriet: I would imagine it’s called a teleport.
Harriet (holds up badge): Harriet Jones, Prime Minister.
Alex translating for the Sycorax: Yes, we know who you are.
Mickey: Tea. We’re having a picnic while the world comes to an end. It’s very British.
Rose: Someone’s got to be The Doctor.
Harriet: They’ll kill you.
Rose: Never stopped him.
Rose (hesitantly, making it up as she goes): I, em, I address the Sycorax according to Article 15 of the Shadow Proclamation. I command you to leave this world with all the authority of the Slitheen Parliament of (closes eyes to concentrate on getting it right) Raxacoricofallapatorius and, um, the Gelf Confederacy … (she’s losing them; the Sycorax leader moves toward her) as … sanctioned by the Mighty Jagrofess, and, ooh, the Daleks. Now leave this planet in peace! In peace …
Sycorax: I speak only Sycoraxic!
Rose: If I can hear English, and it’s being translated, which means it’s working, which means…
(She turns – and the doors to the TARDIS open. The Doctor stands there in pajamas and robe, smiling)
Doctor: Did you miss me?
(Sycorax whips glowing deadly bullwhip at the Doctor – who catches it, and pulls it out of the creature’s grip)
Doctor: Put someone’s eye out with that.
Sycorax: How dare -?! (raising staff)
(the Doctor takes his staff away and breaks it over his knee)
Doctor: Just can’t get good staff. Now you just wait. I’m busy. (points) Mickey, hello! And Harriet Jones, MP from Flydale North! Blimey! It’s like This Is Your Life! Tea! That’s all I needed! Good cup of tea. A superheated infusion of free radicals and tannin. Just the thing for heating the synapses. (to Rose, abruptly very serious) Now. First things first. Be honest. How do I look?
Rose: Um …. Different.
Doctor: Good different or bad different?
Rose: Just – different.
The Doctor: Am I… ginger?
Rose: No, you’re just sort of… brown.
The Doctor: Aw, I wanted to be ginger. I’ve never been ginger. And you, Rose Tyler, fat lot of good you were. You gave up on me. Ooh, that’s rude. Is that the sort of man I am now? Am I rude? Rude and not ginger…
Harriet: I’m sorry – who is this?
Doctor: I’m the Doctor.
Rose: He’s the Doctor.
Harriet: What happened to my Doctor? Or is it a title that’s just passed on?
Doctor: I’m him. I’m literally him. Same man, new face – well, new everything. (Little smile)
Harriet: But you can’t be!
Doctor: Harriet Jones. We were trapped in Downing Street, and the one thing that scared you wasn’t the aliens. It wasn’t the war. It was the thought of your mother being on her own.
Harriet: Oh my God.
Doctor: Did you win the election?
Harriet (grinning): Landslide majority.
Sycorax: *If* I might interrupt?
Doctor: Yes! Sorry! ‘Ello, big fella!
Sycorax: Who exactly are you?
Doctor: Well, that’s the question.
Sycorax: I demand to know who you are!
Doctor (imitating his roar): I don’t know! See, that’s the thing – I’m the Doctor, but beyond that I just don’t know. I literally do not know who I am. It’s all untested. Am I funny? Am I sarcastic? Sexy? (gives a wink and a click of the tongue at Rose, who grins) Right old misery? Life and soul? Right handed? Left handed? A gambler, a fighter, a coward, a traitor, a liar, a nervous wreck – I mean, judging by the evidence, I’ve certainly got a gob – and how am I gonna react when I see this? (points, with a happy smile) A great big threatening button! (laughs and heads for it) A great big threatening button which must not be pushed under any circumstances, am I right? Let me guess, it’s some kind of control matrix, hm? Hold on, what’s feeding it? (hunkers down underneath the gbtb’s pedestal, and there is a click) And what have we got here? (dips finger) Blood? (tastes) Yup – definitely blood. Human blood. A positive. With just a dash of iron (bleh). But that means … blood control. Blood control! Oh! I haven’t seen blood control for years! You’re controlling all the A positives. Which leaves us with a great big stinking problem. ‘Cause I really don’t know who I am. I don’t know when to stop. So if I see a great big threatening button which should never ever ever be pressed … Then I just want to do this!
(slams his hand down on the gbtb, while all the humans in the room yell “No!” And on Earth all the A positives come back to themselves)
Sycorax: I could summon the Armada and take this world by force.
Doctor: Well, yeah, you could, yeah – you could do that – of course you could – but why? Look at these people! These human beings. Consider their potential. From the day they arrive on the planet, and blinking step into the sun. There is more to be seen than can ever be seen. There’s more to do than… No, hold on. (long pause) Sorry, that’s the Lion King. But the point still stands. Leave them alone!
Sycorax: Or what?
Doctor: Or – (grabs sword from nearby rack and goes to stand centrally, and joyously holds up the sword) I challenge you!
(the Sycorax laugh uproariously)
Doctor: Ooh, that struck a chord. Am I right that sanctified rules of combat still apply?
Sycorax (coming down to face him, drawing sword): Do you stand as this world’s champion?
Doctor (shrugging out of Harold’s dressing gown): Thank you. I have no idea who I am, but you’ve just summed me up. (tosses the robe with a flourish to Rose, without looking) So – do you accept my challenge? Or are you just a clannachpelgassakleefselvach?
(the Sycorax hisses at him, and raises his sword; so does the Doctor, and then both go to one knee facing each other)
Sycorax: For the planet?
Doctor: For the planet.
Rose: Look out!
Doctor (doing so): Oh, yeah, that helps! I wouldn’t’a thought o’that otherwise, thanks!
Doctor: And now I know what sort of man I am. I’m lucky. Because quite by chance I’m still within the first fifteen hours of my regeneration cycle. Which means I’ve got just enough residual cellular energy … to do this.
Sycorax Leader: Witchcraft!
Doctor: Time Lord.
(Rose calls to him and throws him a new sword, which he handily ( ) catches)
Doctor: Oh, so I’m still the Doctor then?
Rose: No arguments from me!
Doctor: Want to know the best bit? This new hand? It’s a fightin’ hand!
Doctor: There we are then. Thanks for that. Cheers, big fellow.
Doctor: Not bad for a man in his jim jams. Very Arthur Dent. Now, there was a nice man. Hold on, what have I got in here? A satsuma! Ah, that friend of your mother’s, he does like his snacks, doesn’t he. But doesn’t that just sum up Christmas? You go through all those presents, and at the end, tucked away at the bottom, there’s always one stupid old satsuma. Who wants a satsuma? (behind him the Sycorax warrior is on his feet and about to charge him, sword raised. The Doctor throws the satsuma, targeting a large button, which triggers the section of paneling on which the Sycorax is standing to go out from under him; he plummets. The Doctor is, very suddenly, grim) No second chances. I’m that sort of a man.
Doctor: When you go back to the stars, and tell others of this planet – when you tell them of its riches, its people, its potential – When you talk of the Earth, then make sure that you tell them this: “It. Is. Defended.”
Doctor: That was murder.
Harriet: That was defense. It’s adapted from alien technology. A ship that fell to earth ten years ago.
Doctor: But they were leaving!
Harriet: You said yourself, Doctor – they’d go back to the stars and tell others about the Earth. I’m sorry, Doctor, but you’re not here all the time – you come and go. It happened today. Mr. Llewellyn and the Major – they were murdered – they died right in front of me while you were sleeping. In which case, we have to defend ourselves.
Doctor (bitterly): Britain’s Golden Age.
Harriet: It comes with a price.
Doctor: I gave them the wrong warning. I should have told them to run, as fast as they can, run and hide, because the monsters are coming. The human race.
Harriet: Those are the people I represent, and I did it on their behalf.
Doctor: Then I should have stopped you.
Harriet: What does that make you, Doctor? Another alien threat?
Doctor: Don’t challenge me, Harriet Jones, because I’m a completely new man. I can bring down your government with a single word.
Harriet: You’re the most remarkable man I’ve ever met. But I don’t think you’re quite capable of that.
Doctor: No, you’re right. Not a single word…. Just six.
Harriet: I don’t think so.
Doctor: Six words.
Harriet: Stop it.
Doctor: Six. (goes up to Alex, takes earpiece off him and hands it to him, and says quietly) Don’t you think she looks tired?
Harriet (on the news): There is nothing wrong with my health! I don’t know where these stories are coming from!
Doctor: This isn’t snow, it’s ash.
Rose: OK, not so beautiful.
Mickey: You’re never gonna stay, are you?
Rose: There’s just so much out there – so much to see. I’ve got to.
Jackie: Well, I reckon you’re mad, the pair of you. It’s like you go looking for trouble.
Doctor: Trouble’s just the bits in between! It’s all waiting out there, Jackie. And it’s all brand new to me. All those planets and creatures and horizons – I haven’t seen them yet, not with these eyes! And it is gonna be … (looks over at Rose, and grins) fantastic.
(She smiles back. He holds out his hand – the right one)
Rose: That hand of yours still gives me the creeps. (His smile widens and he waggles his re-regenerated fingers. She puts her hand in his) So – where’re we gonna go first?
Doctor (studying the “snowy” sky): Ummm – that way. (points) No, hold on – (redirects his point by a couple of degrees) that way.
Rose: That way?
Doctor (looking at her): Nhm.
Rose: Yeah. That way.
Series 2 (2006)
Doctor: So in the year five billion, the sun expands, the Earth gets roasted.
Rose: That was our first date.
Cassandra (in Rose): Curves. Oh baby. It’s like living inside a bouncy castle.
Cassandra (in Rose): It’s the same Doctor with a new face. Hypocrite! I must get the name of his surgeon.
Cassandra (in Rose): Remember that old Earth saying: Never trust a nun, never trust a nurse, and never trust a cat.
Doctor: You were supposed to be dying..
The Face of Boe: I have better things to do today. Dying can wait.
Doctor: There are legends you know. Saying you’re a million years old.
The Face of Boe: So the legend says.
The Face of Boe: We shall meet again for the third time—the last time—and then the secret shall be told.
Doctor: That is enigmatic. That is textbook enigmatic.
Tooth and Claw
Doctor: 1979! Hell of a year! China invaded Vietnam. The Muppet Movie. I love that film. Margaret Thatcher. Ugh. Skylab fell to Earth with a little help from me. Nearly took off my thumb. walking out of the TARDIS And I love my thumb. I need my thumb. I’m very attached to— sees the armed men on horseback my thumb. to himself 1879. Slight difference.
Captain Reynolds: You will explain your presence and the nakedness of this girl.
Doctor: Are we in Scotland?
Captain Reynolds: How can you be ignorant of that?
Doctor: Oh, I’m dazed and confused. I’ve been chasing this wee naked child over hill and over dale. I’nt that right, ya timorous beastie?
Rose: Ack! Ay! I’ve bin oot and aboot.
Doctor: No, don’t do that.
Rose: Woot’s wrong?
Doctor: No, really don’t. Really.
Rose: I want her to say “We are not amused.” I bet you five quid I can make her say it.
Doctor: Well if I gambled on that it’d be an abuse of my privilege as a traveller in time.
Rose: Ten quid?
Queen Victoria: When Albert was told about your local wolf he was transported!
Doctor: So what’s this wolf then?
Sir Robert: It’s just a story.
Doctor: Then tell it.
We’ve waited so long for one of your journeys to coincide with the moon.
Queen Victoria: Then you’ve waited in vain. After six attempts on my life I’m hardly unprepared.
Oh, I don’t think so, woman.
Queen Victoria: The correct form of address is Your Majesty. (shoots him)
Sir Robert: I’m sorry, Mum. It’s all my fault. I should’ve sent you away. I tried to suggest something was wrong. I thought you might notice. Did you think there was nothing strange about my household staff?
Doctor: Well, they were bald, athletic… your wife’s away, I just thought you were happy.
Dinner Lady: What are you doing?
Rose: Calling an ambulance.
Dinner Lady: No need. She’s quite alright. (screams come from inside the office) It’s fine. She does that.
Sarah Jane Smith: Hello.
Doctor: Oh, I should think so.
Sarah Jane: And you are?
Doctor: Smith. John Smith.
Sarah Jane: John Smith. I used to have a friend who sometimes went by that name.
Doctor: Well it’s a very common name.
Sarah Jane: He was a very uncommon man.
Sarah Jane: What are you doing here?
Doctor: Well, UFO sightings, school gets record results. I couldn’t resist. What about you?
Sarah Jane: Same. I thought you’d died. I waited for you and you didn’t come back, and I thought you must have died.
Doctor: I lived. Everyone else died.
Sarah Jane: What do you mean?
Doctor: Everyone died, Sarah.
Sarah Jane: I can’t believe it’s you. (Mickey screams) Okay, now I can.
Sarah Jane: I saw things you wouldn’t believe!
Rose: Try me.
Sarah Jane: Mummies.
Rose: I’ve met ghosts.
Sarah Jane: Robots. Lots of robots.
Rose: Slitheen. In Downing Street.
Sarah Jane: Daleks!
Rose (smugly): Met the Emperor.
Sarah Jane: Anti-matter monsters!
Rose: Gas-mask zombies!
Sarah Jane: Real living dinosaurs!
Rose: Real living werewolf!
Sarah Jane: The. Loch Ness. Monster!
Sarah Jane: What about you? Where do you fit in the picture?
Mickey: Me? I’m their man in Havana. I’m their technical support. pause Oh my god. I’m the tin dog.
Mr. Finch: Forget the Shooty Dog thing.
The Girl in the Fireplace
Mickey: It’s a spaceship. Brilliant! I got a spaceship on my first go.
Rose: It looks kind of abandoned. Anyone on board?
Doctor: Nah. Nothing here. Well, nothing dangerous. Well, not that dangerous. Know what, just do a quick scan. For anything dangerous.
Mickey: You said this was the 51st century.
Doctor: I also said this ship was generating enough power to punch a hole in the Universe. I think we just found the hole. This spaceship is a temporal happening.
Mickey: What’s that?
Doctor: Don’t know. Just made it up. Didn’t want to say “Magic Door”.
Reinette: Monsieur, be careful!
Doctor: Just a nightmare, Reinette. Don’t worry about it. Everyone has nightmares. Nothing to worry about. Even monsters under the bed have nightmares, don’t you?
Reinette: What do monsters have nightmares about?
Reinette: There comes a time, Time Lord, when every lonely little boy must dance.
Reinette: It is customary, I think, to have an imaginary friend only during one’s childhood. You are to be congratulated on your persistence.
Doctor: Reinette. My goodness how you’ve grown.
Reinette: And you do not appear to have aged a single day. That is tremendously impolite of you.
Doctor: Get back on the ship. Get Arthur and follow it. Don’t approach it, just watch where it goes.
Doctor: Good name for a horse.
Rose: But you’re not keeping the horse.
Doctor: I let you keep Mickey. Now go go go!
Rose: What have you been doing? Where have you been?
Doctor: Well… among other things I think I just invented the banana daiquiri a couple centuries early. Do you know they’d never even seen a banana before. Always take a banana to a party, Rosie. Bananas are good.
Reinette: The monsters and the Doctor. It seems you can not have one without the other.
Rose: Tell me about it. The thing is, you weren’t supposed to have either. These creatures are messing with history. None of this is ever supposed to happen to you.
Reinette: “Supposed to happen”. What does that mean? It happened, child. And I would not have it any other way. One may tolerate a world of demons for the sake of an angel.
Reinette: You think I fear you. But I do not fear you even now. You are merely the nightmare of my childhood. The monster under my bed. And if my nightmare can return to plague me then, rest, assured, so can yours.
Reinette: So here you are, my lonely angel. Stuck on the slow path with me.
Rise of the Cybermen
Doctor: The last TARDIS in the Universe, extinct.
Rose: We can get help, yeah?
Doctor: Where from?
Rose: Well, we’ve landed. We’ve got to be somewhere.
Doctor: We fell out of time. Through the void into nothingness. We’re in some sort of noplace. A silent realm. A lost dimension.
Mickey: Otherwise known as London.
Mickey: I’ve seen it in comics. People are popping from one alternative world to another. It’s easy.
Doctor: Not in the real world. Used to be easy. When the Time Lords kept their eye on things. You could pop between realities, home in time for tea. Then they died. And took it all with them. The walls of reality closed. The world was sealed. And everything became a bit less kind.
Rose: What, are they robots?
Doctor: Worse than that.
Rose: They’re people.
Doctor: They were. They had all their humanity taken away. It’s a living brain jammed inside a cybernetic body. With a heart of steel. All emotions removed.
Rose: Why no emotion?
Doctor: Because it hurts.
The Age of Steel
Pete: I thought I was broadcasting to security services and what do I get? Scooby Doo and his gang. They’ve even got the van.
Doctor: I’m the Doctor, by the way. If anyone’s interested.
Rose: And I’m Rose. Hello.
Pete: Even better. That’s the name of my dog. Still, at least I’ve got the catering staff on my side.
Doctor: I’ve been captured. But don’t worry. Rose and Pete are out there. They can still save me. Oh well, never mind.
Doctor: Oh Lumic. You’re a clever man. I’d call you a genius except I’m in the room.
Lumic: What have you done?
Doctor: I gave them back their souls. And it’s killing them!
Jake: What, you and me in a van?
Mickey: Nothing wrong with a van. I once saved the Universe in a big yellow truck.
The Idiot’s Lantern
Doctor: Right then. Nice and comfy. At Her Majesty’s leisure. to Rose Union flag?
Rose: Mother went out with a sailor.
Doctor: I bet she did.
Doctor: Hold on a minute. There are three important, brilliant and complicated reasons why you should listen to me. One— The officer hits him, knocking him down Hell of a right hook! Have to watch out for that.
Doctor: Rubber soles! Swear by them!
Doctor: What have I missed?
Tommy: Doctor! What happened?
Doctor: Sorted. Electrical creature. TV technology. Clever alien life form. That’s me, by the way.
The Impossible Planet
Jefferson: Captain, you’re not going to believe this. We’ve got people. Out of nowhere. I mean real people. I mean two living people. Just standing here. Right in front of me.
Zach: Don’t be stupid. That’s impossible.
Jefferson: I was just telling them that.
Ida Scott: You’re telling me you don’t know where you are?
Doctor: More fun that way.
Doctor: We’re standing under a black hole.
Ida: In orbit.
Doctor: But we can’t be.
Ida: You can see for yourself—we’re in orbit.
Doctor: But we can’t be!
Ida: This lump of rock is suspended in perpetual geostationary orbit around that black hole without falling in. Discuss.
Rose: And that’s bad, yeah?
Doctor: Bad doesn’t cover it.
Ida: The solar system’s being ripped apart above our heads before falling into that thing.
Rose: So a bit worse than a storm then.
Ida: Just a bit.
Rose: Just a bit, yeah.
Toby: It’s buried beneath us—in the darkness. Waiting.
Rose: What’s your job, Chief Dramatist?
Rose: Can we build another TARDIS?
Doctor: They were grown, not built. And with my planet gone we’re kind of stuck.
Rose: Well, could be worse. This lot said they’d give us a lift.
Doctor: And then what?
Rose: I don’t know. Find a planet. Get a job. Live a life. Same as the rest of the Universe.
Doctor: I’d have to settle down. Get a house or something, a proper house. With doors and carpets. Me, living in a house. That, that, is terrifying.
Rose: You’d have to get a mortgage.
Ida: Well, we’ve come this far. There’s no turning back.
Doctor: Oh, did you have to? “No turning back.” That’s almost as bad as, “nothing can possibly go wrong” or “this is going to be the best Christmas this orphanage has ever had.”
Doctor: We found something. Looks like metal, like some sort of seal. I’ve got a nasty feeling it might be a trap door. Not a good word, “trap door”. Never been a trap door I liked.
The Satan Pit
Doctor: For once in my life, Officer Scott, I’m going to say… retreat.
Doctor: If you really are the Beast then answer me this: which one? Hm? “Cause the Universe has been busy since you’ve been gone. There’s more religions than planets in the sky.
Doctor: That thing is playing on very basic fears. Darkness. Childhood nightmares. All that stuff.
Dan: But that’s how the devil works.
Doctor: Or a good psychologist.
Rose: Right. So we need to stop them or get out. Or both.
Dan: I’ll take both, yeah. But how?
Rose: You heard the Doctor. Why do you think that thing cut him off? Because he was making sense. He was telling you to think your way out of this.
Doctor: Gravity schmavity. My people practically invented black holes. Well, in fact they did.
Ida: You never really said. You two, who are you?
Doctor: Oh… the stuff of legend!
Love & Monsters
Doctor: Sweet, maybe. Passionate, I suppose. But don’t ever mistake me for nice.
Elton: Maybe that’s what happens if you touch the Doctor. Even for a second. I keep thinking of Rose and Jackie. And how much longer until they pay the price.
What’s your game?
Doctor: My… um. Snakes and Ladders. Quite good at squash, reasonably. I’m being facetious, aren’t I? There’s really no call for it.
Army of Ghosts
Rose: This is the story of how I died…
Jackie: But you can see them. They look human.
Rose: She’s got a point. They are sort of blurred, but they’re definitely people.
Doctor: Maybe not. They’re pressing themselves into the surface of the world. But a footprint doesn’t look like a boot.
Jackie: Do you think you’ll ever settle down?
Rose: The Doctor never will, so I can’t. I’ll just keep on traveling.
Jackie: And he’ll keep on changing. And in forty years time, fifty, they’ll be this woman, this strange woman walking through the marketplace. On some planet a billion miles from Earth. But she’s not Rose Tyler. Not anymore. She’s not even human.
Rose: My mum’s still on board.
Jackie: If we end up on Mars I’m gonna kill you.
Doctor: Hm. There goes the advantage of surprise. Still, cuts to the chase. Stay here, look after Jackie.
Rose: I’m not looking after my mum.
Doctor: Well you brought her.
Jackie: I was kidnapped!
Rose: Doctor, they’ve got guns.
Doctor: And I haven’t. Which makes me the better person, don’t you think? They can shoot me dead but the moral high ground is mine.
Yvonne Hartman: It was only a matter of time before you found us. Welcome to Torchwood.
Yvonne: Torchwood Institute has a motto: If it’s alien it’s ours.
Doctor: It’s a Void ship.
Yvonne: And what is that?
Doctor: Well it’s impossible, for starters. I always thought it was just a theory. It’s a vessel designed to exist outside time and space. Traveling. Through the Void.
Doctor: The Void is the space in between. Containing absolutely nothing.
Doctor: So you find the breach, probe it, the sphere comes through. Six hundred feet above London. Bam! It leaves a hole in the fabric of reality. And that hole, you think, “Oh, should we leave it alone? Should we back off? Should we play it safe? Nah!” you think, “Let’s make it bigger!”
Yvonne: Well if that’s Rose Tyler, who’s she?
Jackie: I’m her mother.
Yvonne: Oh, you travel with her mother?
Jackie: He kidnapped me.
Doctor: Please, when Torchwood comes to write my complete history, don’t tell people I traveled through time and space with her mother.
Mickey: It’s alright babe. We beat ’em before, we can beat ’em again. That’s why I’m here. The fight goes on.
Rose: The fight against what?
Mickey: What d’ya think?
Yvonne: They’re invading the whole planet.
Doctor: It’s not an invasion. It’s too late for that. It’s a victory.
Raj: Samuel, what are you doing?
Mickey: The name’s Mickey. Mickey Smith. Defending the Earth.
Cyberman: Your design is inelegant.
Dalek: Daleks have no concept of elegance!
Cyberman: This is obvious.
Cyberman: Daleks be warned. You have declared war upon the Cybermen.
Dalek: This is not war! This is pest control!
Rose: Five million Cybermen, easy. One doctor, now you’re scared.
Cyberman: You are proof.
Doctor: Of what?
Cyberman: That emotions destroy.
Doctor: Yeah, I am. Mind you, I quite like hope. Hope’s a good emotion. And here it comes.
Pete: Look at it. A world of peace. They’re calling this the Golden Age.
Doctor: Who’s the president now?
Pete: A woman called Harriet Jones.
Doctor: I’d keep an eye on her.
Rose: Am I ever going to see you again?
Doctor: You can’t.
The Runaway Bride Christmas special
Doctor (looks up): What?
Donna (turns): Wh-?
Donna: ‘Oo are you?
Doctor: But –
Donna: Where am I?
Donna: Where the hell is this place??
Donna: Tell me where I am. I demand you tell me, right now, where am I?
Doctor: Inside the TARDIS.
Doctor: The TARDIS.
Doctor: The TARDIS!
Donna: The what?
Doctor: It’s called the TARDIS!
Donna: That’s not even a proper word. You’re just saying things.
Doctor: Who the hell is Nerys?
What are you dressed like that for?
I’m going ten-pin bowling. What do you think, dumbo? I was halfwhile up the aisle!
Doctor: I’m the Doctor. You?
Donna: Yeah. Is that optional?
Doctor: Well, it is with me.
Doctor: I don’t understand, and I understand everything …
Doctor: She’s gone.
Donna: Gone where?
Doctor: I lost her.
Donna’s mum: First day of school she was sent home for biting.
Donna: No stupid martian is going to stop me from getting married!
Doctor: I’m not… I’m not… I’m not from Mars.
Doctor: Who are you getting married to? Sure he’s human? He’s not a bit overweight with a zipper in his forehead, is he?
Come back to the TARDIS.
No way. That box is too … weird.
It’s … bigger on the inside, that’s all.
Oh – that’s all?
Ten past three. Gonna miss it.
Can’t you phone them? Tell them where you are?
How do I do that?
Haven’t you got a mobile?
(stops) I’m in my wedding dress. I don’t have pockets. Who has pockets? Have you ever seen a bride with pockets? When I went for my fitting at Chez Allison the one thing I forgot to say was GIVE ME POCKETS!
This man you’re marrying, what’s his name?
(With love) “Lance.”
Good luck Lance…”
Oi! No stupid Martian is going to stop me from getting married! To hell with you! (runs off)
Doctor: I’m not… I’m not… I’m not from Mars. (goes after her)
Oh my God – have you got any money?
Eehrm, no. Haven’t you?
(The Doctor zaps the phone with the sonic screwdriver)
What did you do?
Donna (sounding more disgusted than anyone ever has about anything): Santa’s a robot.
I’m in my wedding dress!!
Yes! You look lovely! Come on!!!
(The Doctor stands braced in the open doorway of the TARDIS, paralleling the speeding cab, holding both arms out. In a car ahead of them two children are yelling, inaudibly, Jump! Jump!)
I can’t do it!
Is that what you said to her? Your friend? The one you lost? Did she trust you?
Yes she did. And she is not dead, she is so alive. Now jump!
(Donna jumps. The children cheer.)
God, you’re skinny, this wouldn’t fit a rat.
Doctor: With this ring, I thee bio-damp.
Donna: For better or for worse.
Donna: Why, what happened then?
Doctor: Great big spaceship? Hopping over London? You didn’t notice?
Donna: I had a bit of a hangover.
Doctor (running a full-length scan with the sonic screwdriver): Weird – I mean, you’re not special, you’re not powerful, you’re not connected, you’re not clever, you’re not important…
Donna: This friend of yours, just before she left, did she punch you in the face? Stop bleeping me!
Donna: Anyway. Enough of my CV. C’mon, it’s time to face the consequences. Oh, this is gonna be so shaming. You can do the explaining, Martian boy.
Doctor: Yeah. I’m not from Mars.
Song – Love Don’t Roam
Doctor: Christmas trees.
Donna: What about ’em?
Doctor: They kill.
Doctor: Oi! Santa! If you’re attacking a man with a sonic screwdriver, word of advice: (takes up microphone) Don’t let him near the sound system.
Mum: Donna! Who is he? Who is that man?
(Donna stares at her for a long moment – and then runs after the Doctor. )
Say – (grabs a mug off a desk) that’s the TARDIS. And (grabs pencil) that’s you. The particles inside you activated. The two sets of particles magnetized, and whap (plunks the pencil into the mug)– you were pulled inside the TARDIS.
I’m a pencil inside a mug?
Yes you are. 4H – sums you up.
Donna: You telling me this building’s got a secret floor?
Doctor: No, I’m showing you this building’s got a secret floor.
Doctor: Oh, look! Transport!
(Enter the Doctor on a Segway.)
What, there’s like a secret base hidden underneath a major London landmark?
I know. Unheard of.
(Donna slaps the Doctor – again)
What did I do this time?
Are you enjoying this??
(Immediately he sobers, as he thinks about it)
I’ll sort it out, Donna. Whatever has been done to you, I’ll reverse it – I am not about to lose someone else.
Doctor: Only a madman talks to thin air. And trust me, you don’t want to make me mad.
Doctor: I’m sorry.
Racnoss Empress: Who is this little physician?
Doctor: You know what you said before about a time machine? Well I lied and… now we’re gonna use it.
Where’s the Earth?
All around us. In the dust.
Puts the wedding in perspective.
But what do we do?
I don’t know. I make it up as I go along. But trust me – I’ve got a history. (Using stethoscope (Jackie’s neighbor’s friend’s?) on the wall)
What is your answer?
Oh – I’m afraid I have to decline. (laughs)
Then what happens next is your own doing.
I’ll show you what happens next. At arms! Take aim! And –
What did you do?
Guess what I’ve got, Donna: (pulls out roboform remote) Pockets.
How did that fit in there?
They’re bigger on the inside.
My children may feast on Martian flesh!
Oh, but I’m not from Mars.
My home planet is far away and long since gone. But its name lives on. Gallifrey.
Doctor – You can stop now.
Donna: There’s just one problem.
Doctor: What’s that?
Donna: We’ve drained the Thames.
Doctor: I don’t need anyone.
Donna: Yes you do. Because sometimes you need someone to stop you.
I missed my wedding, I lost my job, and became a widow on the same day. Sort of.
I couldn’t save him.
He deserved it! … No, he didn’t. Better get inside – they’ll be worried.
Best Christmas present they could have. Oh, no – I forgot – you hate Christmas.
Yes, I do.
Even (does something just inside the TARDIS doors – a light shoots up into the sky) … if it’s snowing?
(laughing) I can’t believe you did that!
Oh – basic atmospheric excitation.
And you. So. What will you do with yourself now?
Not getting married, for starters. And I’m not gonna temp any more. I don’t know – travel. See a bit more of planet Earth, walk in the dust. Just go out there and do something.
Well, you could always…
Come with me.
No, that’s fine.
No, but really – I mean, everything we did today – do you live your life like that?
Not all the time.
I think you do. And I couldn’t.
But you’ve seen it out there. It’s beautiful.
And it’s terrible. That place was flooded and burning, and they were dying, and you stood there like, I don’t know, a stranger. And then you made it snow! I mean, you scare me to death!
I’ll tell you what I will do, though – Christmas dinner. Oh, come on.
I don’t do that sort of thing.
You did it last year, you said so. And you might as well, because Mum always cooks enough for twenty.
(Hems, haws) Well, all right then, but you go first. Better warn them – and don’t say I’m a Martian. I just have to park her properly. She might drift off to the Middle Ages. I’ll see you in a minute.
(Donna starts to walk away, the TARDIS starts to go. Donna stops.)
(The TARDIS fully rematerializes, and the door opens again)
Blimey, you can shout!
Am I ever gonna see you again?
If I’m lucky.
Just – promise me one thing. Find someone.
I don’t need anyone.
Yes, you do. ‘Cause sometimes I think you need someone to stop you.
Yeah. Thanks, then, Donna – good luck – and … just … be magnificent.
I think I will, yeah. (the Doctor goes in and shuts the door) … Doctor?
(re-re-emerging) Oh, what is it now?
That friend of yours – what was her name?
(with a tremor in his voice) Her name was Rose. (And he’s gone)
D Tennant, on what the Doctor did next – “After the events of ‘The Runaway Bride’ maybe he took himself away a bit – he went for a wee sit down…”
Series 3 (2007)
Smith and Jones
Doctor: Oh look! You’ve got a little shop.
Doctor: Milkshake. I love banana!
Doctor: Like so. (He takes his tie off) See?
Have you got a brother?
Doctor: No, not any more. Just me.
Stoker: …And lightning is a form of static electricity, as was first proven by … Anyone?
Doctor: Benjamin Franklin.
My mate, Ben. That was a day and a half. I got rope burns off that kite. And then I got soaked.
And then I got electrocuted.
I think perhaps a visit from psychiatric…
Martha: We’re on the bloody moon! (Doctor Who’s first “bloody”)
Doctor: You fancy going out? (on the balcony)
We might die.
We might not.
Good. Come on.
Martha: I’ve got a party tonight. It’s my brother’s 21st. My mother’s gonna be really … really … (comes very close to tears)
Doctor: You okay?
Do you want to go back in?
No way! I mean, we could die any minute, but all the same – it’s beautiful.
Do you think?
How many people want to go to the moon? And here we are!
Standing in the earthlight.
Martha: What’s that thing?
Well, if you’re not going to answer me properly –
No, really, it is – It’s a screwdriver, and it’s sonic. Look.
What else have you got? A laser spanner?
I did, but it was stolen by Emily Pankhurst. Cheeky woman.
Doctor: Judoon platoon on the moon.
Doctor: I need you to hold them up.
Martha: How do I do that?
Just – forgive me for this. It could save a thousand lives, and it means nothing. Honestly, nothing.
kisses her. And runs off. Martha sways a bit, smiling
That was nothing?
“Have you seen?! There are these things! These great, big, space rhino things! I mean, rhinos from space, and we’re on the moon! Great big space rhinos with guns! On the moon! I only came in for my bunions! Look! All fixed now, perfectly good treatment, the nurses were lovely, I said to my wife, ‘I’d recommend this place to anyone’ – But then we end up on the moon! And did I mention the rhinos?”
DT “The malevolent straw. And it’s not often you can say that.”
RD “And it had to be bendy. We’d sit in the tone meetings and say ‘what sort of straw is it?’ ‘It’s got to be bendy and striped. The Humphrey straw.'”
Judoon: Traces of facial contact with non-human.
Doctor: It’s raining, Martha. It’s raining on the moon!
Martha: I went to the moon today.
Doctor: Bit more peaceful than down here.
You never even told me who you are.
But what sort of species? It’s not every day I get to ask that.
I’m a Time Lord.
Right. Not pompous at all, then.
I just thought… since you saved my life, and I’ve got a brand new sonic screwdriver, which needs road testing, you might fancy a trip.
What, into space? I can’t – I’ve got exams – I’ve got things to do… I have to go into town first thing and pay the rent. I got my family going mad.
If it helps, I can travel in time as well.
Get out of here.
Come on now, that is going too far.
I’ll prove it. (goes into TARDIS, disappears. Martha steps forward and touches the empty air. Then she steps back again when the TARDIS engine sounds again. The Doctor reemerges, collar upright and tie in hand. ) Told you.
No, but – that was this morning. But – did you – Oh, my God, you can travel in time! Why didn’t you tell me not to go into work?
Crossing into established events is strictly forbidden. Except for cheap tricks.
And that’s your spaceship?
It’s called the TARDIS. Time and Relative Dimension in Space.
Your spaceship’s made of wood. There’s not much room – we’d be a bit intimate.
(He pushes the door open. ) Take a look.
(Martha goes in, looks, runs back out again) No, no no no – But it’s just a box! But it’s huge! How does it do that? … It’s bigger on the inside!
(The Doctor mouths the words along with her) Is it? (Comes in taking off coat, tosses it over loopy thing) I hadn’t noticed.
Martha: You’re the one that kissed me.
Doctor: THAT was a genetic transfer.
And if you will wear a tight suit…
And then travel allll the way across the universe just to ask me on a date…
For the record, I’m not remotely interested. I only go for humans.
Off we go.
Episode 2 trailer:
Shakespeare, seeing Martha: Hey, nonny nonny!
The Shakespeare Code
Martha: And those are men dressed as women, yeah?
Doctor: London never changes.
Doctor: Just walk about like you own the place – works for me.
Martha: Is Shakespeare in there?!
Oh yes. Miss Jones, will you accompany me to the theatre?
Mr. Smith, I will!
The most human human there’s ever been
Doctor: Psychic paper. Um. Long story. Oh, I hate starting from scratch…
Martha: You step on a butterfly, you change the human race.
Doctor: Then don’t step on any butterflies. What do you have against butterflies?
Doctor: Go home, you can tell everyone you met Shakespeare.
Martha: Then I could get sectioned.
Doctor: I’m Sir Doctor of TARDIS and this is my companion Martha Jones.
Shakespeare: Interesting, that bit of paper. It’s blank.
Shakespeare: And you, Sir Doctor – how can a man so young have eyes so old?
Doctor: I do a lot of reading.
Doctor: Rage, rage against the dying of the light.
Shakespeare: I might use that.
Doctor: You can’t. It’s someone else’s.
Martha: I haven’t even got a toothbrush.
Doctor: Ooh – um. (produces one from jacket pocket) Contains Venusian spearmint.
Who’s going where? There’s only one bed.
We’ll manage. Come on. (Flops down on the bed and commences to staring into space)
So, magic and stuff. That’s a surprise. It’s all a bit Harry Potter.
Wait till you read book seven. Oh, I cried!
But is it real, though? I mean, witches, black magic and all that, it’s real?
Course it isn’t!
Well, how am I supposed to know? I’ve only just started believing in time travel. Gimme a break.
Looks like witchcraft, but it isn’t. It can’t be. Are you gonna stand there all night?
Bodge up a bit then. (He shifts, and she reclines beside him. He never looks at her, and she never looks away from him) Sorry, there’s not much room. Us two here, same bed. Tongues will wag.
There’s such a thing as psychic energy, but a human couldn’t channel it like that. Not without a generator the size of Taunton, and I think we’d have spotted that. No … (flops down onto his side) There’s something I’m missing, Martha. (She turns and lies on her side, face to face with him) Something really close. It’s staring me right in the face, and I can’t see it. Rose would know. (she blinks. His eyes are on the middle distance again) A friend of mine, Rose – right now she’d say exactly the right thing. (meets her eyes again, before flopping over on his back) Still, can’t be helped. You’re a novice, never mind. I’ll take you back home tomorrow.
(her eyebrows rise)
Great! (and angrily blows out the candle)
Martha: And why are you telling them that?
Doctor: …Dark Ages. If I tell them the truth they’ll panic and think it’s witchcraft.
Martha: Well what is it then?
Martha: Whoa, nelly! I know for a fact you’ve got a wife in the country.
Shakespeare: But Martha, this is town.
Doctor: Come on, we can all have a good flirt later!
Is that a promise, Doctor?
Ohh… Fifty-seven academics just punched the air. Now, move!
Shakespeare: Made me question everything, the futility of this fleeting existence, to be or not to be – oh! That’s quite good.
Doctor: You should write that down.
Hm – maybe not. A bit pretentious?
Martha: Thing is, though – am I missing something here? The world didn’t end in 1599, it just didn’t. Look at me – I’m living proof.
Doctor: Oh, how to explain the mechanics of the infinite temporal flux? I know, Back to the Future. It’s like Back to the Future.
No, the novelization – yes, the film! Marty McFly goes back and changes history.
And he starts fading away. Oh, my God, am I going to fade?
You and the entire future of the human race. It ends right now, in 1599, if we don’t stop it.
DT The Doctor ain’t gonna be seduced anyway, let’s be honest …
Witch: And as for you, Sir Doctor – – Fascinating. There is no name. Why would a man hide his title in such despair? Oh, but look – there’s still one word with a power that aches.
Doctor: The naming won’t work on me.
But your heart grows cold. The north wind blows and carries down the distant … Rose!
Oh, big mistake – ’cause that name keeps me fighting.
Doctor: Well, that’s just cheating.
Martha: What did you do?
Doctor: I named her. The power of a name. That’s old magick.
Martha: But there’s no such thing as magic.
Doctor: Well… there’s a science to it…
Doctor: Come on, Will! History needs you!
Shakespeare: What can I do?
How’m I supposed to do that?
The shape of the Globe gives words power, but you’re the wordsmith. The one true genius, the only man clever enough to do it.
But what words? I have none ready!
(hits him on chest) You’re William Shakespeare!
But these Carrionite phrases, they need such precision.
Trust yourself. When you’re locked away in your room, the words just come, don’t they? Like magic. Words of the right sound, the right shape, the right rhythm. Words that last forever! That’s what you do, Will. You choose perfect words. Do it, Will! Improvise! (Steps back. )
Close up this din of hateful, dire decay, decomposition of your witches’ plot! You thieve my brains, consider me your toy – my doting Doctor tells me I am not! Foul Carrionite specters, cease your show, between the points –
7-6-1-3-9-0 – Banished like a tinker’s cuss, I say to thee – (Blanks – looks at Doctor.)
Doctor: Uh – (Looks at Martha)
Doctor: Good old JK!
Love’s Labour’s Won – there it goes…
Doctor: …And I say – a heart for a hart, a dear for a deer.
Martha: I don’t get it.
Then give me a joke from Freedonia.
Okay. Shakespeare walks into a pub, and the landlord says, ‘Oi, mate, you’re Bard.’
(Laughs)That’s brilliant. Doesn’t make sense, mind you, but never mind. Come here…
Doctor: I’ve got a nice attic in the TARDIS where this lot can scream for all eternity.
Shakespeare: A sonnet for my dark lady…
Doctor (joyfully: Queen Elizabeth the First!
Queen Elizabeth: Doctor!
My sworn enemy!
Off with his head!
Martha: What have you done to upset her?
Doctor: How should I know? I haven’t met her yet! That’s time travel for you! Still, I can’t wait to find out! That’s something to look forward to.
DT Video Diary – Shakespeare Code
There’s genuine ye old-e camera equipment … I wonder how long I can keep going with this ‘genuine ye old-e’ joke? It’s amusing me, cairtainly.
Everyone’s body clock is now well and truly banjaxed…
Apparently even Shakespeare in Love weren’t allowed to film in the Globe…
Doctor: A bit of rain never hurt anyone!
Martha: You’re taking me to the same planets you took her?
Doctor: What’s wrong with that?
Martha: Nothing. Just a bit of a rebound.
Doctor: How about – a different planet?
Martha: Can we go to yours?
Nah – there’s plenty of other places.
Come on – I mean, the planet of the Time Lords! That’s got to be worth a look! What’s it like?
It’s beautiful, yeah.
Is it like, you know, outer space cities, all spires and stuff?
I suppose it is.
Great big temples and cathedrals?
Lots of planets in the sky?
The sky’s a burnt orange. With a citadel enclosed in a mighty glass dome, shining under the twin suns. Beyond that, the mountains go on forever, slopes of deep red grass, capped with snow. (Recovers himself)
(in excited whisper) Can we go there?
Nah! Where’s the fun for me? I don’t want to go home!
You’d enjoy anything!
Thomas Kinkade Brannigan (Bran)
Doctor: Look after this. I love that coat. Janis Joplin gave me that coat.
If it’s any consolation, Valerie, right now I’m having kittens.
Bran: This Martha – she must mean an awful lot to you.
Hardly know her. I was too busy showing off.
Valerie: He’s completely insane!
Bran: That – and a bit magnificent.
Martha: Who is it?
Doctor: I don’t even know. Legend says the Face is literally millions of years.
The Face of Boe: Everything has its time. You know that, old friend. Better than most.
The Face of Boe: I have seen so much. Perhaps too much. I am the last of my kind. As you are the last of yours, Doctor.
Doctor: Don’t go.
The Face of Boe: I must. But know this, Time Lord: you are not alone.
Doctor: Just what every city needs—cats in charge.
Doctor: So the two of you stayed here, on your own for all these years.
Novis Hame: We had no choice.
Doctor: Yes, you did.
Martha: You’ve got your faith. You’ve got your songs and your hymns. And I’ve got the Doctor.
The Face of Boe: Doctor—
Doctor: Yeah, hold on. Not now.
The Face of Boe: I give you my last.
Doctor: Hame, look after him! Don’t you go dying on me, you big Face.
Doctor: He’s the one that saved you, not me.
Novis Hame: My Lord gave his life to save the city. And now he’s dying.
Martha: But what did he mean? The Face of Boe? That you’re not alone?
Doctor: I don’t know.
Martha: You’ve got me, is that what he meant?
Doctor: I don’t think so. Sorry.
Martha: Then what?
Doctor: It doesn’t matter.
Doctor: I lied to you – because I liked it. I could pretend. Just for a bit, I could imagine they were still alive. Underneath a burnt orange sky. I’m not just a Time Lord. I’m the last of the Time Lords. The Face of Boe was wrong – there’s no one else.
Martha: What happened?
(The Doctor picks up another chair, sets it opposite hers, sits down) There was a war. A Time War. The last great Time War. My people fought a race called the Daleks, for the sake of all creation, and they lost. They lost. Everyone lost. They’re all gone. My family. My friends. Even that sky. Ah, you should have seen it, that old planet. The second sun would rise in the south, and the mountains would shine. The leaves on the trees were silver. When they caught the light, every morning, it looked like a forest on fire. When the autumn came, a breeze would blow through the branches. It sounded like a song…
Daleks in Manhattan
Doctor: Right then. Martha, Frank, Solomon.
Doctor: Em… basically… Run!
Tallulah: You’ve got that guy in a suit…
Martha: We’re not together.
Tallulah: Oh sure you are. I’ve seen the way you look at him. It’s obvious.
Martha: Not to him.
Tallulah: I should have realized, he’s in to musical theatre. What a waste. Still you gotta live in hope.
Doctor: They survive. They always survive while I lose everything.
Tallulah: You’re a doctor? Really! Mums always said, ‘marry a doctor or a lawyer and you’re made for life.’ It’s just my luck – I finally find a doctor, but he’s into show tunes…
Martha: I’m so glad to see you.
Doctor: Yeah well you can kiss me later. You too, Frank, if you want.
Tallulah: New York City. If aliens had to come to Earth, no wonder they came here.
Evolution of the Daleks
Doctor: First floor perfumery.
Tallulah to Lazlo: I never thought I’d see you again.
Lazlo: No stopping me.
Martha: We worked it out—there’s Dalekanium on the mast. And it’s good to see you too, by the way.
Doctor: Oh, come here! (hugs Martha as the elevator closes. ) See? Never waste time on a hug.
Tallulah: Doctor, can’t you do somethin’?
Doctor: Oh Tallulah with three Ls and an H. Just you watch me.
The Doctor: What do I need, oh I dunno. How about a great big genetic laboratory. Oh, look I’ve got one. Lazlo, just you hold on! There’s been too many deaths today, way too many people have died. Brand new creatures, wise old men and age old enemies. And I’m telling you, I’m telling you right now. I am NOT having ONE more dead. You got that? NO ONE!
Martha: Do you reckon it’s gonna work, those two?
Doctor: I don’t know. Anywhere else in the Universe I might worry about them, but New York, that’s what this city’s good at. Give me your tired, your poor, your huddled masses. And maybe the odd pig slave-Dalek mutant hybrid too.
Martha: The pig and the showgirl.
The Lazarus Experiment
Professor Lazarus: That’s an interesting perfume. What’s it called?
Doctor: I hate this suit. Something bad always seems to happen when I wear it.
Martha: It’s not the outfit, it’s just you.
Oo. He’s out of his depth.
Doctor: Now. Well this building looks like his laboratory. Now we do tests.
Martha: Lucky I’ve just collected a DNA sample, isn’t it?
Doctor: Oh Martha. You’re a star.
Doctor: And that’s two impossible things we’ve seen so far tonight. Don’t you love it when that happens?
Leticia: You have to spoil everything, don’t you….
Martha: Tish, he’s a monster.
Leticia: I know the age thing’s pretty freaky, but it works for Catherine Zeta-Jones.
Doctor: Until Lazarus reopened it…
Martha: It’s like Pandora’s box?
Doctor: Exactly. Nice shoes by the way.
Martha: I thought we were going to go through the blender there.
Doctor: Really shouldn’t take that long to reverse the polarirty. I must be out of practice.
Doctor: Ah Mrs. Jones. We still haven’t finished our chat.
Mrs. Jones: Keep away from my daughter!
Martha: Mum what are you doing?
Doctor: Always the mothers, all the time.
Doctor: The Blitz.
Lazarus: You read about it?
Doctor: I was there.
Lazarus: You’re too young.
Doctor: So’re you.
Lazarus: I’m more now than just an ordinary human.
Doctor: There’s no such thing as an ordinary human.
Doctor: If you hang around Beethoven you’re bound to pick a few things up.
Martha: Especially about playing loud.
Doctor: So whatdy’a say? One more trip?
Martha: No. Sorry.
Doctor: What do you mean? I thought you liked it.
Martha: It can’t just be one more trip.
Martha: What is it?
Doctor: Well I said okay.
Martha: Oh, thank you! Thank you!
Doctor: Well you were never really just a passenger were you?
Doctor: A happy prime is a number that’s both happy and prime. Now type it in! (to Cath) I don’t know, talk about dumbing down. Don’t they teach recreational mathematics anymore?
Doctor: Martha, be careful. There may be something else onboard the ship.
Martha: Anytime you want to unnerve me, feel free.
Doctor: Will do, thanks.
The Doctor (distracted by the Beatles question): Now where was I? Here comes the sun? No. Resources!
Mrs. Jones: What is this, pub quiz?
Martha: Yeah, pub quiz.
Mrs. Jones: Using your mobile is cheating.
Riley: The wonderful world of space travel. The prettier it looks, the more likely it is to kill you.
Doctor: Humans! You grab whatever’s nearest and bleed it dry. You should have scanned!
Cath: It takes too long. We’d be caught. Fusion scoops are illegal.
Martha: What’s your favorite color?
Riley: You alright?
Martha: It’s the question!
Riley: Purple. Or did I say orange?
John Smith: Funny how dreams slip away.
Latimer: That’s exactly the problem, Sir. They only have spears.
Headmaster: Oh dear me. Latimer takes it upon himself to tell us all how wrong we are. I hope one day Latimer we might have a just and proper war in which to prove yourself.
Martha: You had to, didn’t you? You had to go and fall in love with a human. And it isn’t me.
Martha: Don’t just stand there, move! God you’re rubbish as a human!
Latimer: Maybe I was given this watch so I could help. (leaving the front line) Sorry.
Hutchinson: Latimer, you filthy coward.
Latimer: Oh yes, sir. Every time.
Joan: What if it’s them?
Martha: I’m not an expert, but I don’t think scarecrows knock.
Latimer: … I’ve seen him. And he’s like fire and ice and rage. He’s like the night and the storm and the heart of the sun. He’s ancient and forever. He burns at the center of time and he can see the turn of the Universe.
John Smith: Stop it! Just stop it!
Latimer: And… he’s wonderful.
Doctor: ‘Cause if there’s one thing you shouldn’t have done, you shouldn’t have let me press all those buttons. But in fairness, I will give you one word of advice: run.
The Family of Blood
Kathy: What are you doing? It could be a burglar.
Sally: A burglar who rings the doorbell?
Sally: I love old things. They make me feel sad.
Kathy: What’s good about sad?
Sally: It’s happy for deep people.
Sally: But what does he do?
Larry: Just sits there, making random remarks. It’s like we’re hearing half the conversation. Me and the guys are always trying to work out the other half.
Sally: When you say you and the guys you mean the internet, don’t you?
Larry: How’d you know?
Sally: Spooky, isn’t it?
Billy: And that’s Sally…
Sally: Sally Shipton. Sparrow! Sally Sparrow. Okay, going now. Don’t look at me.
Sally (seeing The Doctor on-screen) Who is he?
Larry: An easter egg.
Sally: Excuse me?
Larry: Like a DVD extra, yeah? You know how on DVDs, they put extras, documentaries and stuff? Well, sometimes they put on hidden ones and they call them easter eggs. You have to go looking for them, follow a bunch of clues in the menu screen.
Doctor (on-screen): Complicated.
Larry (pausing the DVD) Sorry. It’s interesting, actually. He is on seventeen different DVDs. There are seventeen totally unrelated DVDs all with him on. Always hidden away, always a secret. Not even the publishers know how he got there. I’ve talked to the manufacturers, right, they don’t even know. It’s like he’s a ghost DVD extra, just shows up where he’s not supposed to be, but only on those. Those seventeen.
Sally: Well, what does he do?
Larry: Just sits there, making random remarks. It’s like we’re hearing half a conversation.
Sally:(spotting the TARDIS in a corner) What’s that?
Billy: Ah, the pride of the Wester Drumlin’s collection. We found that there too. Somebody’s idea of a joke, I suppose.
Sally: But what is it? What’s a police box?
Billy: Well, it’s a special kind of phone box for policemen. They used to have them all over, but this isn’t a real one. The phone is just a dummy and the windows are the wrong size. Can’t even get in here. Ordinary yale lock, but nothing fits. But, that’s not the big question. See, you’re missing the Big Question.
Sally: Okay, what’s the big question?
Billy: Will you have a drink with me?
Doctor: People assume that time is a strict progression of cause to effect, but actually, from a non-linear, non-subjective viewpoint, it’s more like a big ball of wibbly-wobbly, timey-wimey… stuff. It got away from me, yeah…
Doctor: People don’t understand time; it’s not what you think it is.
Sally: Then what is it?
Sally: Tell me.
Doctor: Very complicated.
Sally: I’m clever, and I’m listening, now don’t patronise me ’cause people have died, and I’m not happy. Tell me.
Doctor: People assume that time is a strict progression of cause to effect, but actually, from a non-linear non-subjective view point, it’s more like a big ball of wibley-wobbley … timey-wimey … stuff.
Sally: Yeah, I’ve seen this bit before, you said that sentence got away from you.
Doctor: It got away from me, yeah…
Doctor: What matters is, we can communicate. We have got big problems now. They have taken the blue box, haven’t they? The angels have the phonebox.
Larry: “The angels have the phonebox”, that’s my favourite, I’ve got that on a T-shirt.
Sally: What do you mean angels? You mean those statue things?
Doctor: Creatures from another world.
Sally: But they’re just statues.
Doctor: Only when you see them.
Sally: What does that mean?
Doctor: The Lonely Assassins they used to be called. No one quite knows where they came from but they’re as old as the Universe, or very nearly, and they have survived this long because they have the most perfect defense system ever evolved. They’re quantum-locked. They don’t exist when they’re being observed. The moment they are seen by any other living creature they freeze into rock. No choice, it’s a fact of their biology, in the sight of any living thing they literally turn to stone. And you can’t kill a stone. ‘Course a stone can’t kill you either but then you turn your head away, then you blink, and oh yes it can.
Sally (to Laurence, referring to the statue) Don’t take your eyes off that.
Doctor: That’s why they cover their eyes. They’re not weeping, they can’t risk looking at each other. Their greatest asset is their greatest curse. They can never be seen. Loneliest creatures in the Universe. And I’m sorry. I am very, very sorry. It’s up to you now.
Sally: What am I supposed to do?
Doctor: The blue box, it’s my time machine. There is a world of time energy in there they could feast on forever, but the damage they would do could switch off the sun. You have got to send it back to me.
Sally: How? How!?!
Doctor: And that’s it, I’m afraid, there’s no more from you on the transcript, that’s the last I’ve got. I don’t know what stopped you talking but I can guess: they’re coming. The angels are coming for you but listen: your life could depend on this. Don’t blink. Don’t even blink. Blink and you’re dead. They are fast, faster than you could believe, don’t turn your back, don’t look away, and don’t blink. Good luck.
Sally: No! Don’t, you can’t!
Larry: I’ll rewind it!
What good will that do?? (they stop, staring at each other) You’re not looking at the statue.
Neither are you.
(They both slowly turn their heads…)
Doctor: Beware the weeping angels. Oh, and duck. No really duck! Sally Sparrow. DUCK, NOW! Love from the Doctor 1969
Doctor: Fascinating race, the weeping angels. The only psychopaths in the Universe to kill you nicely. No muss, no fuss. They just zap you into the past and let you live to death.
Doctor: This is my Timey-Wimey detector. Goes ding when there’s stuff. Also, it can boil an egg at thirty paces. Whether you want it to or no, actually. I’ve learned to stay away from hens. It’s not pretty when they blow.
Billy: He told me all those years ago that we’ll only meet again—this one time—on the night I die.
Sally: Oh Billy.
Billy: It’s kept me going. I’m an old sick man, but I’ve had something to look forward to. Life is long and you are hot.
Sally: How can you know what I’m going to say?
Doctor: Look to your left.
Larry: What does he mean by “look to your left”? I’ve written tons about that on the forum. I think it’s a political statement.
Sally: He means you.
Larry: “The angels have the phonebox”. That’s my favorite. I’ve got that on a t-shirt.
Sally: Remember what he said: don’t blink.
Larry: Who blinks? I’m too scared to blink.
Sally: Look at them! Quick! Look at them!
Larry: I don’t think we need to. He tricked them. The Doctor tricked them. They’re looking at each other. They’re never gonna move again.
Doctor: Look, sorry. I’ve got a bit of a complex life. Things don’t always happen to me in quite the right order. Gets a bit confusing at times. Especially at weddings. I’m rubbish at weddings. Especially my own.
Kathy (voice-over; her letter to Sally, as Sally goes to Kathy’s grave) To take one breath in 2007 and the next in 1920 is a strange way to start a new life, but a new life is exactly what I’ve always wanted.
Sally (looking at Kathy’s gravestone) 1902. You told him you were eighteen. You lying cow! (Sally laughs)
(In the present day, Sally sees the Doctor and Martha)
Sally: Doctor! Doctor!
Doctor: Hello. Sorry, bit of a rush. There’s a sort of… thing happening. Fairly important that we stop it.
Sally: My God, it’s you. It really is you. Oh, you don’t remember me, do you?
Martha: Doctor, we haven’t got time for this. Migration’s started.
Doctor: Look, sorry, I’ve got a bit of a complex life. Things don’t always happen to me in quite the right order. It gets a bit confusing at times, especially at weddings. I’m rubbish at weddings. Especially my own.
Sally: Oh, my God of course. You’re a time traveller. It hasn’t happened to you yet. None of it. It’s still in your future.
Doctor: What hasn’t happened?
Martha: Doctor, please. Twenty minutes to red hatching!
Sally: It was me. Oh, for God’s sake, it was me all along. You got it all from me.
Doctor: Got what?
Sally: OK, listen. One day you’re going to be stuck in 1969. Make sure you’ve got this with you. (hands him the file) You’re going to need it.
Doctor: Yeah! Listen, listen, gotta dash. Things happening. Well… four things. Well, four things and a lizard.
Sally: OK, no worries. Off you go. See you around someday.
EASTER EGG TRANSCRIPT
The Doctor comes into frame, sits, puts on his glasses, sniffs, waits a moment.
Yup, that’s me.
Yes, I do.
Yup, and this.
Are you gonna read out the whole thing?
I’m a time traveler. Or, I was –I’m stuck. In 1969.
(Martha sticks her head into frame)
M: WE’re stuck! All of space and time, he promised me, and now I’ve got a job in a shop, I’ve gotta support him!
Sorry. (She leaves. )
Yah – people don’t understand time. It’s not what you think it is.
People assume that time is a strict progression of cause to effect, but actually, from a non-linear non-subjective view point, it’s more like a big ball of wibbley-wobbley … timey-wimey … stuff.
It… got away from me, yeah.
Well, I can hear you.
Well, not hear you exactly, but I know everything you’re going to say.
(nods head to his right) Look to your left.
(Waits. Nods – uh huh)
I’ve got a copy of the finished transcript, it’s on my Autocue.
I told you, I’m a time traveler. I got it in the future.
Yeahhh – (waves hand dismissively) Wibbly wobbly timey wimey …
What matters is, we can communicate. We have got big problems now. They have taken the blue box, haven’t they? The angels have the phonebox.
Creatures from another world.
Only when you see them.
The Lonely Assassins, they used to be called. No one quite knows where they came from but they’re as old as the Universe, or very nearly, and they have survived this long because they have the most perfect defense system ever evolved. They’re quantum-locked. They don’t exist when they’re being observed. The moment they are seen by any other living creature they freeze into rock. No choice, it’s a fact of their biology, in the sight of any living thing they literally turn to stone. And you can’t kill a stone. ‘Course a stone can’t kill you either but then you turn your head away, then you blink, and oh yes it can.
That’s why they cover their eyes. They’re not weeping, they can’t risk looking at each other. Their greatest asset is their greatest curse. They can never be seen. Loneliest creatures in the Universe. And I’m sorry. I am very, very sorry. It’s up to you now.
The blue box, it’s my time machine. There is a world of time energy in there they could feast on forever, but the damage they would do could switch off the sun. You have got to send it back to me.
And that’s it, I’m afraid, there’s no more from you on the transcript, that’s the last I’ve got. (takes off glasses) I don’t know what stopped you talking but I can guess: they’re coming. The angels are coming for you but listen: your life could depend on this. (intense) Don’t blink. Don’t even blink. Blink and you’re dead. They are fast, faster than you could believe, don’t turn your back, don’t look away, and don’t blink. Good luck.
Martha: It’s a bit odd though. Not very one hundred trillion. That coat’s more like World War II.
Doctor: I think he came with us.
Martha: How d’you mean? He’s from Earth?
Doctor: Must have been clinging to the outside of the TARDIS. All the way through the vortex. Wow, that’s very him.
Martha: What, do you know him?
Doctor: A friend of mine. Used to travel with me.
Jack: Captain Jack Harkness. And who are you?
Martha: Martha Jones.
Jack: Nice to meet you, Martha Jones.
Doctor: Oh don’t start!
Jack: I was only saying hello.
Martha: I don’t mind.
Jack: Good to see you.
Doctor: And you. Same as ever. Although. Have you had work done?
Jack: You can talk.
Martha: But the thing is, how come you left him behind, Doctor?
Doctor: I was busy.
Martha: Is that what happens though, seriously? You just get bored of us one day and disappear?
Jack: Not if you’re blonde.
Martha: Oh, she was blonde! Oh, what a surprise.
Doctor: You two! We’re at the end of the Universe. Right at the edge of knowledge itself. And you’re busy blogging!
The Professor: Might I ask what species are you?
Doctor: Time Lord. Last of. Heard of them? Legend? Heard of them? Not even a myth? Blimey, end of the universe is a bit humbling.
Jack: Captain Jack Harkness.
Doctor: Stop it!
Jack: Can’t I say hello to anyone?
Chantho: Chan- I do not protest -tho.
Jack: Maybe later.
Martha: Oh my God. You’ve got a hand. A hand in a jar. A hand. In a jar. In your bag.
Doctor: But that’s my hand!
Jack: I said I had a Doctor detector.
Doctor: It strikes me, Professor, you’ve got a room which no man can enter without dying. Is that correct?
The Professor: Yes.
Doctor: Well. Jack is revived; I think I’ve got just the man.
Jack: Was someone kissing me?
Doctor: What are you taking your clothes off for?
Jack: I’m going in.
Doctor: From the looks of it, I’d say the stet radiation doesn’t affect clothing, only flesh.
Jack: Well. I look good though.
Doctor: You might be out there somewhere.
Jack: I could go meet myself.
Doctor: Well. The only man you’re ever going to be happy with.
Jack: This new regeneration, it’s kinda cheeky!
The Sound of Drums
Jack: Still, we made it. Twenty-first century by the looks of it. Talk about lucky.
Doctor: That wasn’t luck. That was me.
Albert Dumfries: You’re insane!
The Master: Yes!
Jack: Former Minister of Defence. First came to prominence when he shot down the Racnoss on Christmas Eve. Nice work, by the way.
Doctor: Oh, thanks.
Doctor: I’ve been alone ever since. But not anymore. Don’t you see? All we’ve got is each other.
The Master: Are you asking me out on a date?
The Master: You’re public enemies number 1, 2, and 3. Oh, and you can tell handsome Jack that I’ve sent his little gang off on a wild goose chase to the Himalayas. So you won’t be getting any help from them. Now go on, off you go. Why not start by turning to the right?
Doctor: He can see us. disables the CCTV
The Master: Oh you public menace! Better start running. Go on, run.
Doctor: He’s got control of everything.
Martha: What do we do?
Jack: We’ve got nowhere to go.
Martha: Doctor, what do we do?
The Master: Run, Doctor. Run for your life!
Doctor: We run.
Jack: So Doctor, who is he? How come the ancient society of Time Lords created a psychopath?
Martha: And what is he to you? A colleague or—
Doctor: A friend, at first.
Martha: I thought you were going to say he was your secret brother or something.
Doctor: You’ve been watching too much TV.
Doctor: It just shifts your perception a tiny little bit. Doesn’t make us invisible, just unnoticed.
Martha: I know what’s it like: it’s like when you fancy someone and they don’t even know you exist. That’s what it’s like.
Jack to Martha: You too, huh?
Doctor: Children of Gallifrey, taken from their families at the age of eight, to enter the academy. Some say that’s where it all began—when he was a child. That’s when the Master saw eternity. As a novice he was taken for initiation. He stood in front of the Untempered Schism. It’s a gap in the fabric of reality, through which can be seen the whole of reality. You stand there, eight years old, staring at the raw power of time and space, just a child. Some would be inspired, some would run away, and some would go mad.
Martha: What about you?
Doctor: Oh, the ones that ran away. I never stopped.
Martha: I’m going to kill him.
Jack: What say I use the perception filter to walk up behind him and break his neck.
Doctor: Now that sounds like Torchwood.
Jack: Still a good plan.
The Master: And look. It’s the girly and the freak. Although I’m not sure which one’s which. Laser screwdriver. Who’d have sonic? And the good thing is he’s not dead for long. I get to kill him again!
The Master: So it came to pass. That the human race fell and the Earth was no more. And I looked down upon my new dominion as master of all. And I thought it good.
Last of the Time Lords
Tom Milligan: How long since you were last in Britain?
Martha: 365 days. It’s been a long year.
Tom: Story goes that you’re the only person on Earth that can kill him. That you can kill the Master stone dead.
Tom: You’ve been in space?
Martha: Problem with that?
Tom: No, just, wow. Anything else I should know?
Martha: I’ve met Shakespeare.
Professor: Obviously the Archangel Network would seem to be The Master’s greatest weakness. Fifteen satellites all around the Earth, still transmitting. That’s why there’s so little resistance. It’s broadcasting a telepathic signal that keeps people scared.
Tom: We could just take them out.
Professor: We could. Fifteen ground-to-air missiles. You got any on you?
Professor: Whoever thought we’d miss Bill Gates.
Martha: I traveled across the world, from the ruins of New York to the Fusion Mills of China, right across the Radiation Pits of Europe. And everywhere I went I saw people just like you, living as slaves. But if Martha Jones became a legend, then that’s wrong, because my name isn’t important. There’s someone else. The man who sent me out there. The man who told me to walk the Earth. And his name is the Doctor. He has saved your lives so many times and you never even knew he was there. He never stops, he never stays, he never asks to be thanked. But I’ve seen him. I know him. I love him. And I know what he can do.
The Master: I never could resist a ticking clock.
The Master: What’s so funny?
Martha: The gun.
The Master: What about it?
Martha: The gun in four parts.
The Master: Yes. And I destroyed it.
Martha: The gun in four parts, scattered across the world. I mean c’mon, did you really believe that?
Martha: Don’t you wanna know what I was doing, traveling the world?
The Master: Tell me.
Martha: I told a story, that’s all. No weapons, just words. I did just what the Doctor said. I went across the continents, all on my own. And everywhere I went I found the people and I told them my story. I told them about the Doctor. And I told them to pass it, to spread the word so that everyone would know about the Doctor.
The Master: Faith and hope. Is that all?
Martha: No. ‘Cause I gave them an instruction. Just as the Doctor said. I told them that if everyone thinks of one word, at one specific time—
The Master: Nothing will happen. Is that your weapon? Prayer?
Martha: —right across the world. One word, just one thought, at one moment, but with fifteen satellites.
The Master: What?
Jack: The Archangel Network.
Martha: The telepathic field, binding the whole human race together. With all of them, every single person on Earth, thinking the same thing at the same time. And that word is “Doctor.”
Doctor: And you know what happens now.
The Master: No! No!
Doctor: You wouldn’t listen. ‘Cause you know what I’m going to say. I forgive you.
The Master: Dying in your arms. Happy now?
Doctor: You’re not dying, don’t be stupid. It’s only a bullet. Just regenerate.
The Master: No.
Doctor: One little bullet. C’mon.
The Master: I guess you don’t know me so well. I refuse.
The Master: How about that? I win.
Martha: Time was every single one of these people knew your name. Now they’ve all forgotten you.
Jack: Back to work.
Doctor: I don’t mind, though. Come with me.
Jack: Had plenty of time to think that past year. The year that never was. And I kept thinking about that team of mine. Like you said, Doctor – responsibility.
Doctor: Defending the Earth. Can’t argue with that. …
Jack: The 21st Century is when it all changes – you got to be ready.
Doctor: What does that mean?
Jack: Don’t know. It just sounds good. … And what about me? Can you fix that? Will I ever be able to die?
Doctor: Nothing I can do. You’re an impossible thing, Jack.
Jack: Been called that before. (Starts away, turns abruptly and snaps salute) Sir. (Doctor waves back. Still saluting, winks) Ma’am. (Martha waves. Jack starts away again, turns back again) But I keep wondering – what about ageing? ‘Cause I can’t die, but I keep getting older, the odd little grey hair, you know. What happens if I live for a million years?
Doctor (laughing): I really don’t know.
Jack: Okay, vanity, sorry. Yeah. Can’t help it. Used to be a poster boy! When I was a kid, living in the Boeshane Peninsula, tiny little place – I was the first one ever to be signed up for the Time Agency. They were so proud of me. The ‘Face of Boe’, they called me. I’ll see you. (Off he goes, leaving the Doctor and Martha in shock. Martha grabs the Doctor’s arm.)
Doctor: No –
Martha: Can’t be –
Doctor: No. Definitely not. No.
(They laugh, a little helplessly)
Doctor: Martha Jones, you saved the world.
Martha: Yes I did. I spent a lot of time with you thinking I was second best, but you know what? I am good.
Martha: ‘Cause the thing is, it’s like my friend Vicky. She lived with this bloke, student housing, there were five of them, all packed in, and this bloke was called Shaun. And she loved him, she did, she completely adored him, spent all day long talking about him –
Doctor: Is this going anywhere?
Yes! ‘Cause he never looked at her twice. I mean, he liked her, that was it. And she wasted years pining after him, years of her life, ’cause while he was around, she never looked at anyone else. And I told her, I always said to her, time and time again I said, “Get .. out”. (the Doctor gets it. He nods) So this is me… getting out.
Martha: I’ll see you again, Mister.
Time Crash CIN2 Children in Need special (8 mins)
Leaving, Martha pauses, turns back with a smile.
Martha: I’ll see you again, mister!
The Doctor smiles warmly. Martha turns and leaves the TARDIS. Once the door is shut behind her, she stops, and her smile vanishes. She sighs and walks on, a small smile building again.
Inside, the Doctor flicks a switch, and leans there lost in thought for a moment. Moving listlessly, he walks around the console, takes hold of a lever, and pulls it toward him – and the TARDIS goes topsy turvy. There is smoke, there are alarms, there is time distortion, and the Doctor is flung onto the nearby bench. He lunges back to the console and hastens to make corrections.
10th Doctor: Stop that – Stop it! What was all that, eh? (Pats/smacks the column) What’s your problem?
He works his way along the console, and –
5th Doctor: Right – Just settle down now!
– bumps into a man in a long cream-colored coat and a panama hat.
10: ‘Scuse me
5: So sorry.
They switch places and continue with their work – for a moment. Both look up and at each other with similarly shocked expressions. Very similarly.
They come face to face, inches apart
5: Who are you? (With great suspicion)
10: Ohhhh, brilliant! (He begins to smile, which spreads into a delighted grin – which abates for a second as he looks over the other man and says) I mean, don’t get me wrong, big emergency, the universe goes bang in five minutes, but – BRILLIANT! (the grin back in full force)
The other man is not smiling.
5: I’m the Doctor, who are you?
10: Yes you are! You are the Doctor!
5: Yes, I am. I’m the Doctor.
10: Oh, good for you Doctor – good for brilliant old you! (Can’t keep his eyes off the hat, the face)
5: Is there something wrong with you?
10: OoHH, there it goes, the frowny face! I remember that one! Mind you – (takes 5’s face in both hands and wibble-wobbles it) – bit saggier than I ought to be, hair’s a bit grayer – that’s ’cause of me, though. (lets go, goes off, leaving 5 to touch his own face, still stunned) The two of us together has shorted out the time differential, should all snap back into place when we get you home. (reaches for Fifth Doctor’s lapels) Then you’ll be able to close that coat again! (It certainly won’t close now. The Tenth Doctor lets go and steps back) But never mind that! Look at you! The hat, the coat, the crickety cricket stuff, the … stick of celery (his enthusiasm wanes with the celery. #5 is beginning to look put out) Yeah… Brave choice, the celery, but fair play to you, not a lot of men can carry off a decorative vegetable…
5: SHUT UP! (10 shuts quite up. 5 pulls off his hat) There is something wrong with my TARDIS and I have got to do something about it very very quickly and it would help, it really would help, if there wasn’t some skinny idiot ranting in my face about every single thing that happens to be in front of him!!
10: Oh – kay – sorry. Doc-tor.
5: Thank you! (5 turns to the console, and 10 immediately loses control again)
10: OH, the back of our head!
10: Sorry, sorry – it’s just not something you see every day, is it, the back of your own head – mind you (smile fades into … something else) I can see why you wear a hat; I don’t want to seem vain, but could you keep that on?
5 turns angrily
5: What have you done to my TARDIS? You’ve changed the desktop theme, haven’t you? What’s this one? Coral?
10: Well, I –
5: It’s worse than the leopard skin! (puts on his glasses, to the glee of 10)
10: OH! And out they come, the brainy specs! You don’t really need them, you just think they make you look really clever!
(5 stares at him, appalled. Before he has a chance to reply, an alarm blares)
5: That’s an alert! Level 5! (the glasses come off again, and he hurries around the console. 10 saunters around in the other direction) Indicating a temporal collision! It’s like – two TARDISes have merged, but – (somehow, 10 is not surprised, nor is he concerned; he takes a seat on the console, leaning an elbow and watching) – there’s definitely only one TARDIS present! It’s like two time zones at war in the heart of the TARDIS! (pauses as the enormity breaks over him) That’s a paradox… It could blow a hole in the space-time continuum the size of – (10 shifts the monitor over so 5 can see. And 5 deflates a little) well, actually, the exact size of Belgium. (sighs) That’s a bit undramatic, isn’t it? Belgium?
10 (pulls his sonic screwdriver from an inner jacket pocket): Need this?
5 (Not paying much attention to him – attacking a keyboard): Nah, I’m fine.
10: Oh, of course – you mostly went hands free, didn’t you? (tucking away the sonic screwdriver) – Like, “Hey, I’m the Doctor, I can save the universe using a kettle and some string” … (now he has 5’s full attention) … and “Look at me, I’m wearing a vegetable.”
5 slooowly comes around to stand nose to nose again.
5: Who are you?
5: No – oh, no –
5: You’re –
10: Here it comes, yeah, yeah – I am.
5: You’re – a fan. (Not happy about this, he scurries back to work)
10: Yeah – (realizes in utter horror what 5 just said) WHAT?
5: Level 10 now – This is bad – two minutes to Belgium!
10 (morally outraged): What do you mean a fan? I’m not just a fan, I’m you!
5: OK, you’re my biggest fan! Look. It’s perfectly understandable – I go zooming around space and time, saving planets fighting monsters and being, well let’s be honest, pretty sort of marvellous (10 agrees completely), so naturally now and then people notice me. Start up their little groups (5 doesn’t like the little groups). That LINDA lot… Are you one of them?? (10 twitches – swallows – it was bad enough being taken for a fan, but if he’s going to start getting nasty – ) How did you get in here? I can’t have you lot knowing where I live!
10: Listen to me, I am you, with a new face! (Slaps his own cheeks alternately) Check out this bone structure, Dr, because one day you’re going to be shaving it!
(A sound like a gong begins. 5 is distracted from the skinny fan)
5: The cloister bell!
10: Yep, right on time, that’s my cue –
5: In less than a minute, we’re going to detonate a black hole strong enough to swallow the entire universe!
10: Yeahhhh… that’s my fault, actually; I was rebuilding the TARDIS and forgot to put the shields back up. Your TARDIS and my TARDIS, well, the same TARDIS at different points in its own time stream, collided, and bloop, there you go, end of the universe, butterfingers – BUT don’t worry – I know exactly how this all works out, watch: (begins working controls) Venting the thermo-buffer! Restoring the helmic regulator! And just to finish off, let’s fry those cyclon crystals!
5 (grabs his arm): You’ll blow up the TARDIS!
10: Only way out.
5: Who told you that?
10: You told me that!
(10 hits a switch – and they both look up at the column as it coruscates a blinding white light.)
5: A supernova and a black hole at the exact same instant …
10: Explosion cancels out implosion.
5: Matter remains constant.
5: Far too brilliant! I’ve never met anyone else who could fly the TARDIS like that.
10: Sorry mate, you still haven’t. (strides away)
5 (following): You didn’t have time to work all that out – even I couldn’t do it!
10: I didn’t work it out. I didn’t have to.
5: You remembered.
10: Because you will remember.
5: You remembered being me, watching you doing that. You only knew what to do because – I saw you do it! (beginning to be a little delighted himself. 10 is grinning again)
10: Wibbly wobbly –
Both: Timey wimey!
10 slaps a hand out in a high five – and meets air, as 5 looks a little puzzled.
There is a new alarm, and 10 leaps into action
10: Right! TARDISes are separating – sorry, Doctor, time’s up! Back to long ago! Where are you now? Nyssa and Tegan? Cybermen and the Mara? Time Lords in funny hats and the Master – oh, he just showed up again, same as ever!
5: Oh no. Really? Does he still have that rubbish beard?
10: No! No beard this time – well, a wife.
5 (feels something, and as he says): Hello! (he fades out for a moment, and doesn’t quite come back all the way) I seem to be off. Well – what can I say. Thank you – Doctor.
10: Thank you.
5: I’m very welcome. (fades)
10 hastens to flip a switch, and as 5 comes back steps over to him, picking up the panama from the console to return it.
10: You know (hands over the hat), I loved being you. Back when I first started at the very beginning I was always trying to be old and grumpy and important, like you do when you’re young – – and then I was you. It was all dashing about and playing cricket and my voice going all squeaky when I shouted – I still do that, the voice thing, I got that from you! (chuckling, 5 dons the hat) Oh! (clunks a foot up on the console) and the trainers! And – (reaches for a pocket, and puts on his very own brainy specs) – Snap! ‘Cause you know what, Doctor? You were my Doctor.
5 (doffs his hat): To days to come.
10 (bowing): All my love to long ago.
5 fades away. 10 laughs to himself, and takes off the specs.
voice of 5: Oh, Doctor – remember to put your shields up!
– As 10 pushes a button the console – just too late. He spins as there is the bizarre sound of a ship’s horn, and suddenly debris – and the Doctor – are flying through the air. Something has crashed through an upper corner of the TARDIS.
10: What?? WHAT??
He scrambles up as a bell sounds – not a cloister bell, but a ship’s bell – and from the debris picks up a ship’s life-ring. With the word “Titanic” on it.
10 (lower pitched, truly disbelieving, as he realizes the laws of physics are out to lunch): What.
Voyage of the Damned – Christmas special (72 mins)
Astrid: How’d you get on board?
Doctor: Accident. I’ve this sort of ship thing I was just rebuilding her. Left the defenses down. Bumped into the Titanic, here I am. Bit of a party, I thought, Why not.
Foon: Have a buffalo wing. They must be enormous, these buffalo. So many wings!
Mr. Copper: I am Mr. Copper, the ship’s historian. And I shall be taking you to Old London Town in the country of UK. Ruled over by Good King Wenceslas. Now human beings worshipped the great god Santa, a creature with fearsome claws, and his wife Mary. And every Christmas Eve, people of UK go to war with the country of Turkey. They then eat the Turkey people for Christmas dinner. Like savages!
Doctor: But um, hold on. Hold on. What was your name?
Doctor: Okay, Banakaffalatta. But it’s Christmas Eve down there. Late night shopping, tons of people. He’s like a talking Conga. No offense, but you’ll cause a riot. ‘Cause the streets are going to be packed with shoppers and parties and people and— (theybeams down to an empty street) Oh.
Newspaper Seller: Look, Christmas before last we had that big bloody spaceship, everyone standing on the roof. And then last year that Christmas star, electrocutin’ all over the place, drainin’ the Thames.
Doctor: This place is amazing.
Newspaper Seller: This year, lord knows what. So everybody scampered. Gone to the country. All except me. And Her Majesty.
Doctor: Bad name for a ship. Either that, or this suit is really unlucky.
Doctor: If we can get reception I’ve got a spaceship tucked away, we can all get on board and— oh.
Astrid: What is it? What’s wrong?
Doctor: That’s my ship over there.
Doctor: There, that box. That little blue box.
Astrid: That’s a spaceship?
Doctor: Oy! Don’t knock it.
Astrid: It’s a bit small.
Doctor: Bit distant.
Doctor: First things first. One. We are going to climb through this ship. B. (No.) Two. We are going to reach the Bridge. There. Or C. We are going to save the Titanic. And, coming in a very low Four. Or D. Or that little [iv] in brackets they use on footnotes. Wine. Well then, follow me.
Astrid: So you look good for 903.
Doctor: You should see me in the mornings.
Doctor: Mr. Copper, this degree in Earthnomics, where’s it from?
Mr. Copper: Honestly?
Doctor: Just between us.
Mr. Copper: Mrs. Golightly’s Happy Travelling University and Drycleaners.
Doctor: Hold on! Override! Security Protocol 10! 666! 21! 4, 5, 678. Um, I don’t know? 42? Um, one!
Heavenly Host: Information: State request.
Doctor: Good. Right. You’ve been ordered to kill the survivors but why?
Heavenly Host: Information: No witnesses.
Doctor: Wait wait wait! Security Protocol One! D’you hear me? One! Okay, that gives me three questions. Three questions to save my life. Am I right?
Heavenly Host: Information: Correct.
Doctor: No, that wasn’t one of them. I didn’t mean it. That’s not fair. Can I start again?
Heavenly Host: Information: No.
Doctor: No. No no no! That wasn’t a question either. Blimey. One question left. One question left. So. You’ve been given orders to kill survivors. But: survivors must therefore be passengers or staff. But not me. I’m not a passenger, I’m not staff. Scan me. No such bio records. No such person on board. I don’t exist. Therefore you can’t kill me. Therefore I’m a stowaway. And stowaways should be arrested and taken to the nearest figure of authority. And I reckon the nearest figure of authority is on Deck 31. Final question: Am I right?
Heavenly Host: Information: Correct.
Doctor: Fine then. Take me to your leader. I’ve always wanted to say that.
Max Capricorn: Who the hell is this?
Doctor: I’m the Doctor. Hello.
Heavenly Host: Information: Stowaway.
Max Capricorn: Kill him!
Doctor: Wait wait wait! But you can’t. Not now. Max, you’ve given me so much good material. Like how to get ahead in business. See? Head. Head.
Max Capricorn: Oh, the office joker. No one’s been funny to me in years.
Doctor: Well. I can’t see why.
Doctor: So that’s the plan? A retirement plan? Two thousand people on this ship. Six billion underneath us. All of them slaughtered. And why? Because Max Capricorn is a loser.
Max Capricorn: I never lose.
Doctor: You can’t even sink the Titanic.
Doctor: What’s your first name?
Midshipman Frame: Alonzo.
Doctor: You’re kidding me.
Midshipman Frame: What?
Doctor: That’s something else I’ve always wanted to say.
Midshipman Frame: What?
Doctor: Allons-y, Alonzo!
Mr. Copper about Astrid: There’s not enough left. The system is too badly damaged. She’s just atoms, Doctor. An echo with a ghost of consciousness. She’s stardust.
Mr. Copper: Of all the people to survive, he’s not the one you would have chosen is he? But if you could choose, Doctor, if you could decide who lives and who dies…. that would make you a monster.
Mr. Copper: So Great Britain is a part of Europe. And just across the British channel you’ve got Great France and Great Germany.
Doctor: No, it’s just France and Germany. Only Britain is Great.
Mr. Copper: And they’re all at war with the continent of “Hamerica”.
Doctor: No. Well. Not yet. Um. You could argue that one.
Mr. Copper: You know, between you and me, I don’t even think this snow is real. I think it’s the ballast from the Titanic‘s salvage entering the atmosphere.
Doctor: Yeah. One of days it might snow for real.
Series 4 (2008)
Partners in Crime
Penny: How do we know the fat isn’t going straight into your bank account?
Miss Foster: Oh Penny, if cynicism burnt up calories we’d all be thin as rakes.
Doctor: Tell me, Roger, have you got a cat flap?
Roger: It was here when I bought the house. I never bothered with it really. I’m not a cat person.
Doctor: No I’ve met cat people. You’re nothing like them.
Mom: And what time’s this?
Donna: How old am I?
Mom: Not old enough to use a phone.
Donna: You really believe in all that stuff, don’t you?
Grandad: It’s all over the place these days. If I wait here long enough—
Donna: Don’t suppose you’ve seen a little blue box.
Grandad: Is that slang for something?
Penny: You can’t tie me up! What sort of country do you think this is?
Miss Foster: Oh, it’s a beautifully fat country. And believe me, I’ve travelled a long way to find obesity on this scale.
Doctor: What are, what are you—?
Donna: Oh. My. God!
Donna: It’s me!
Doctor: I can see that.
Donna: Oh this is brilliant!
Doctor: What the hell are you doing there?
Donna: Looking for you!
Doctor: What for?
And then I lost the pantomime. Until…
Miss Foster: Are we interrupting you?
Donna: Oh my god. I don’t believe it! You’ve even got the same suit! Don’t you ever change?
Doctor: Yeah, thanks Donna. Not right now.
Miss Foster: I’ve been employed by the Adiposian first family to foster a new generation after their breeding planet was lost.
Doctor: What d’you mean “lost”? How do you lose a planet?
Miss Foster: Oh, politics are none of my concern. I’m just here to take of the children on behalf of the family.
Doctor: What, like an outer space Super Nanny?
Miss Foster: Yes, if you’d like.
Donna: Well that’s one solution: hide in a cupboard. I like it.
Penny: What’s happened?
Miss Foster: I think The Doctor happened.
Donna: What are you going to do then? Blow them up?
Doctor: They’re just children. They can’t help where they came from.
Donna: Oh, well that makes a change from last time. That Martha must have done you good.
Doctor: Yeah, she did.
Donna: I’m waving at fat.
Doctor: Actually as a diet plan it sort of works.
Donna: But you asked me. Would you rather be on your own?
Doctor: No. actually no. But. The last time, with Martha—like I said, it got, it got complicated. And that was all my fault. I just want a mate.
Donna: You just want to mate?!
Donna: I must have been mad to turn down that offer.
Doctor: What offer?
Donna: To come with you.
Doctor: Come with me?
Donna: Oh yes, please!
The Fires of Pompeii
Donna: Hold on a minute. That sign over there’s in English. Are you having me on? Are we in Epcot?
Doctor: No no no. That’s the TARDIS translation circuits. It just makes it look like English. Speech as well. You’re talking Latin right now.
Seller: Afternoon, sweetheart. What can I get you, my love?
Donna: Um, veni, vidi, vici.
Seller: Huh? Sorry? Me no speak Celtic. No can do, missy.
Donna: Yeah. What does he mean, ‘Celtic’?
Doctor: Welsh. You sound Welsh. There we are. Learned something.
Donna: Have you been here before, then?
Doctor: Ages ago. Before you ask, that fire had nothing to do with me. Well a little bit.
Donna: Wait a minute. One mountain. With smoke. Which makes this—
Doctor: Pompeii. We’re in Pompeii. And it’s Volcano Day.
Caecilius: Who are you?
Doctor: I am Spartacus.
Donna: And so am I.
Donna: Listen, I don’t know what sort of kids you’ve been flying around with in outer space but you’re not telling me to shut up.
Doctor: You must excuse my friend. She’s from… Barcelona.
Doctor: Consuming the vapors, you say.
Evelina: They give me strength.
Doctor: It doesn’t look like it to me.
Evelina: Is that your opinion. As a doctor?
Doctor: I beg your pardon.
Lucius: The female soothsayer is inclined to invent all sorts of fables.
Doctor: Oh, not this time, Lucius. No, I reckon you’ve been out-soothsayed.
Lucius: Is that so, Man from Gallifrey?
Lucius: Doctor, she is returning.
Doctor: Who’s she?
Lucius: And you, Daughter of London. There is something on your back.
Donna: What’s that mean?
Spurrina: No man is allowed to enter the Temple of Sibyl!
Doctor: Oh that’s alright. Just us girls.
Donna: You fought her off with a water pistol. I bloody love you!
Doctor: But… that’s the choice, Donna. It’s Pompeii or the world.
Donna: Oh, my God.
Doctor: If Pompeii is destroyed then it’s not just history. It’s me. I make it happen.
Doctor: Snow! Ah, real snow. Proper snow at last!
Donna: Oh, you better hurry up and think of something. Rocky IV’s on his way.
Doctor: You were right. Sometimes I need someone. Welcome aboard.
Planet of the Ood
The Doctor: I know what it’s like. Everything you’re feeling right now. The fear, the joy, the wonder. I get that.
Donna: Seriously? After all this time?
The Doctor: Yeah! Why do you think I keep going?
Donna: Oh, all right then, you and me both! This is barmy! I was born in Chiswick! I’ve only ever done package holidays. Now I’m here! This is… I mean it’s… I dunno, it’s all sort of… I don’t even know what the word is! [steps out of the TARDIS, to find a frozen planet]
Donna: Oh, I’ve got the word. Freezing!
The Doctor: Snow! Ah, real snow. Proper snow at last! That’s more like it, lovely! What do you think?
Donna: Bit cold.
The Doctor: Yeah, but look at that view!
Donna: Yep. Beautiful, cold view.
The Doctor: Millions of planets in millions of galaxies, and we’re on this one! Molto bene! Bellissimo! Like you said Donna. Born in Chiswick. Oh, you’ve had a life of work and sleep and telly, and rent and tax and takeaway dinners. All birthdays and Christmases and two weeks’ holiday a year, and then you end up here. Donna Noble, citizen of the Earth! Standing on a different planet! How about that, Donna? [beat] Donna? [turns round to find her gone]
[Donna steps back out of the TARDIS in a large furry parka, with the hood up]
Donna: Sorry, you were saying?
The Doctor: Better?
Donna: Lovely, thanks.
The Doctor: Comfy?
The Doctor: Can you hear anything inside that?
Donna: Back home, the papers and the telly, they keep saying we haven’t got long to live. Global warming. Flooding. All the bees disappearing.
Doctor: Yeah. That thing about the bees is odd.
Donna: A great big empire, built on slavery.
Doctor: It’s not so different from your time.
Donna: Oy! I haven’t got slaves.
Doctor: Who d’you think made your clothes?
Donna: Is that why you travel round with a human at your side? It’s not so you can show them the wonders of the universe, it’s so you can take cheap shots?
Donna: If people back on Earth knew what was going on here…
Solana: Don’t be so stupid. Of course they know.
Donna: They know how you treat the Ood?
Solana: They don’t ask. Same thing.
Donna: Well do something! You’re the one with all the tricks! You must’ve met Houdini!
Doctor: These are really good handcuffs!
Donna: Oh well I’m glad of that. I mean, at least we’ve got quality!
Donna: They… They turned him into an Ood?!
Donna: He’s an Ood.
Doctor: I noticed.
Doctor: The message has gone out. That song resonated across the galaxies, everyone heard it. Everyone knows. The rockets are bringing them back. The Ood are coming home.
Ood Sigma: We thank you, Doctor Donna. Friends of Oodkind. And what of you now? Will you stay? There is room in the song for you.
Doctor: Oh, I’ve… sort of got a song of my own, thanks.
Ood Sigma: I think your song must end soon.
Ood Sigma: Every song must end.
The Sontaran Stratagem
The Poison Sky
The Doctor’s Daughter
Donna: He saves worlds, rescues civilizations, defeats terrible creatures, and runs a lot. Seriously, there’s an outrageous amount of running involved.
The Unicorn and the Wasp
Silence in the Library
Forest of the Dead
The Stolen Earth
The Next Doctor Christmas special (60 mins)
Jackson Lake (inside the TARDIS – the real one): Well – this is nonsense! Complete and utter wonderful nonsense! Very very silly …
Jackson: All those facts and figures I saw of the Doctor’s life, you were never alone. All those bright and shining Companions – but not anymore?
Might I ask why not?
They leave. Because they should, or they find someone else. And some of them, some of them … forget me. I s’pose in the end … … They break my heart.
Planet of the Dead Easter special (60 mins)
He will knock four times.
The Waters of Mars Autumn special (60 mins)
The End of Time Christmas special (60 mins)
Doctor: I don’t want to go.
New Year’s special (75 mins)
Series 5 (2010)
The Eleventh Hour
Doctor: So is the swimming pool.
Doctor: I’m still cooking.
Doctor: Am I people??
Doctor: (Count the rooms – why?) Because it will change your life.
Doctor: Nothing says nonterrestrial like a sonick screwdriver.
Amelia Pond: I don’t have a mom and dad. Just an aunt.
Doctor: I don’t even have an aunt.
Amelia: You’re lucky!
Doctor: I know! … So, your aunt – where is she?
Amelia: She’s out.
Doctor: And she left you all alone?!
Amelia (scornful): I’m not scared!
Doctor: ‘Course you’re not. You’re not scared of anything. Box falls out of the sky, man falls out of the box, man eats fish custard (takes huge bite and continues while chewing) – and look at you! Just sittin’ there. So you know what I think?
Doctor: Must be ‘ell of a scary crack in your wall.
Doctor: You know when grownups tell you everything’s going to be fine and you think they’re probably lying to make you feel better?
Amy (disgusted): Yes.
Doctor (smiles falsely): Everything’s going to be fine.
Trust me. I’m the Doctor.
Doctor: How do you lose the key??
Doctor: You’re Amelia.
Amy: And you’re late!
Doctor: You’re Amelia Pond, the little girl.
Amy:I’m Amelia, and you’re late.
Doctor: What happened?
Amy: Twelve years.
Doctor: You hit me with a cricket bat!
Amy: Twelve years!
Doctor: A cricket bat!
Amy: Twelve years and four psychiatrists!
Amy: I kept biting them.
Amy: They said you weren’t real.
Amy: You’re worse than my aunt!
Doctor: I’m the Doctor – I’m worse than everybody’s aunt! (clears throat, glancing at elderly neighbor) And that’s not how I’m introducing myself.
Doctor: Twenty minutes to the end of the world…
Amy: Then I grew up.
Doctor: Ah – you never want to do that.
Doctor: Just believe me for twenty minutes.
Doctor: Your friend, what was his name, not him, the good-looking one.
Rory: Oh, *thanks!*
Doctor: This is when you fly. Today’s the day you save the world.
Jeff: Why me?
Doctor: It’s your bedroom. Now go go go! (runs out closing door behind him)
Jeff (turning to his laptop): OK, guys. Let’s do this.
(Doctor returns) Oh – and delete your internet history.
Prisoner Zero: The cracks in the skin of the universe – don’t you know where they came from? … The universe is cracked, the Pandoric will open, silence will fall. … Silence, Doctor – silence will fall.
Doctor: Did you think no one was watching?
Amy: Did he just save the world from aliens and then bring all the aliens back again?
Zero: You are not of this world.
Doctor: No, but I’ve put a lot of work into it.
Doctor: Hello. I’m the Doctor. Basically … run.
Doctor: Amy Pond, the girl who waited. You’ve waited long enough. … You wanted to come fourteen years ago.
Amy: I grew up.
Doctor: Don’t worry. I’ll soon fix that.
Amy: I’m in my nightie.
Amy: I’m fine. It’s just – there’s a whole world in here, just like you said. It’s all true. I thought – well, I started to think that maybe you were just a madman with a box.
Doctor: Amy Pond, there’s something you’d better remember about me, ’cause it’s important because one day your life may depend on it. I am definitely a mad man with a box.
The Beast Below
Doctor: Thing one: We are observers only. That’s the one rule I always stick to in all my travels: I never get involved in the affairs of other peoples or planets.
Amy: What are you gonna do?
Doctor: What I always do. Stay out of trouble. Badly.
Amy: A long time ago tomorrow morning. I wonder what I did.
Amelia Jessica Pond. Age 1306
Marital status: Undetermined. (darn)
Amy: You look human.
Doctor: No – you look Time Lord. We came first.
Doctor: Big day tomorrow! … It’s always a big day tomorrow! I’ve got a time machine – I skip the little ones!
Liz X: I rule.
Victory of the Daleks
Doctor: Which Prime Minister?
Amy: The British one.
Doctor: Which British one?
It is announced that German aircraft are flying in.
Churchill: Out of range?
Normally, sir, yes.
Doctor: It’s a Type 40 TARDIS, I’m just running her in.
Ironsides: You do not require tea?
Amy: Well, what does he expect us to do?
Churchill: KBO, of course.
Doctor: Don’t mess with me sweetheart!
Dalek: Scientist, strategist, drone, eternal, and the SUPREME!
Doctor: Nice paint job. I’d be feeling pretty swishy if I looked like you.
Doctor: Occupational hazard.
Doctor: All right, it’s a jammie dodger, but I was promised tea!
Amy: So, you have enemies, then?
The Doctor: Everybody’s got enemies.
Amy: Yeah, but mine’s the woman outside Budgens with the mental Jack Russell. You’ve got, you know, archenemies.
The Time of Angels
“Hallucinogenic lipstick. She’s here.”
“12,000 years later” …
Doctor (dashing from glass case to glass case in a long hall): Wrong. Wrong. Bit right, but mostly wrong. I love museums!
Amy: Yeah, great – can we go to a planet now? Big spaceship, Churchill’s bunker – I want to see a planet now!
Doctor: Amy, this isn’t any old asteroid! This is the Delirium Archive, final resting place of the Headless Monks – THE biggest museum *ever*!
Amy: You’ve got a time machine – what do you need museums for?
Doctor (at a display): WRONG! Very wrong! Oo, one of mine. Also one of mine.
Amy: Oh, I see. It’s how you keep score.
Doctor: The writing, the graffitti: Old High Gallifreyan. The lost language of the Time Lords. There were days – there were many days those words could burn stars and raise up empires, and topple gods.
Amy (not so impressed): What does it *say*?
Doctor: (apparently not really expecting her to ask?) “Hello sweetie.”
Back in the past on the starliner, River Song looks directly into a security camera – which footage the Doctor pulls up 12,000 years later – and winks.
River: It’s not supposed to make that noise. You leave the brakes on.
Doctor: Yeah, well, it’s a brilliant noise. I love that noise.
River: He thinks he’s so hot when he does that.
Doctor: River, hug Amy.
River (startled): Why?
Doctor: ‘Cause I’m busy.
Amy: Something in my eye.
River: Believe you me, I have no intention of going back to prison.
Father Octavian: According to the Doctor, we are facing an enemy of unknowable power and infinite evil, so it would be good – it would be very good – if we could all remain calm in the presence of decor.
Doctor: Anyone in this room who isn’t scared is a moron. (Yes, Father Octavian, he’s looking at you.)
Doctor: Didn’t anyone ever tell you there’s one thing you never put in a trap? – If you’re smart, if you value your continued existence, if you have any plans about seeing tomorrow, there’s one thing you never, ever put in a trap.
The Angel Formerly Known as Sacred Bob (politely): And what would that be, sir?
Flesh and Stone
Doctor: It’s impossible.
River: How impossible?
Doctor: Two minutes.
Doctor: I made him say ‘comfy chairs’.
Amy: Doctor, I’m five.
Angel: The Doctor in the TARDIS hasn’t noticed!
Doctor: Oh! That’s bad. That’s very extremely not good.
River: There’s a plan?
Doctor: I dunno yet – I haven’t finished thinking. Right! Father, you and your clerics, you’re gonna stay here and look after Amy. If anything happens to her I’ll hold every single one of you personally responsible twice. River, you and me, we’re gonna go find the primary flight deck – (licks his finger, sticks it in the air, points) – quarter of a mile straight ahead, and from there we’re going to stabilize the wreckage, stop the Angels, and save Amy.
Doctor: I’ll do a thing.
River: What thing?
Doctor: I dunno, it’s a thing in progress. Respect the thing.
Octavian: She killed a man, a good man, a hero to many. You don’t want to know.
Doctor: I wish I’d known you better.
Octavian: I think, sir, you know me at my best.
River: I’ll see you when the Pandorica opens.
Doctor: The Pandorica? That’s a fairytale.
River: Aren’t we all?
Can I trust you, River Song?
You can – but what would be the fun in that?
Amy: What are you thinking?
Doctor: Time can be rewritten.
The Vampires of Venice
Doctor: Rory! That’s a relief – I thought I’d burst out of the wrong cake. Again. That reminds me, there’s a girl standing outside in a bikini, could someone let her in and give her a jumper? Lucy – lovely girl – (whispers for some reason) Diabetic. Now then. Rory (claps) we need to talk about your fiancee. (Rory ducks his head, laughing, embarrassed) She tried to kiss me. (There is a gasp from the crowd.) Tell you what, though, you’re a lucky man – she’s a great kisser. (Someone drops a glass) (pause) Funny how you can say something in your head and it sounds fine…
Doctor: Life out there, it dazzles. I mean, it blinds you to the things that are important. I’ve seen it devour relationships. (>spark!<) It’s meant to do that. Because for one person to have seen all that, to taste the glory, and then go back – it will tear you apart. So I’m sending you somewhere. Together. … Think of it as a wedding present. Because frankly it’s either that or tokens.
Doctor: It’s a lot to take in, isn’t it – tiny box, huge room inside, what’s that about? Let me explain –
Rory: It’s another dimension.
Doctor: It’s basically another dim- what?
Rory: After what happened with Prisoner Zero, I’ve been reading up on all the latest scientific theories. FTL travel, parallel universes …
Doctor: I like the bit when someone says it’s bigger on the inside. I always look forward to that.
Signora Calvieri: I believe protecting the future of one’s own is a sacred duty.
She is my world!
Signora Calvieri: Then we will take your world. (And they do.)
Amy: You owe Casanova a chicken?
Doctor: Long story. We had a bet.
Amy: What was that about? (turns to the Doctor – and he’s gone) (*sigh*) I hate it when he does that!
Signora Calvieri: Mummy’s hydrating, Francesco!
Girls (in creepy unison from behind the Doctor, mugging in the mirror): Who are you?
Doctor (spins, and spends the next several minutes comparing what’s in front of him to what can be seen in the mirror): How are you doing that? I am loving it! You’re like Houdini, only five slightly scary girls and he was shorter, will be shorter – I’m rambling.
Slightly Scary Girls: I’ll ask you again, signor, who are you?
Doctor: Why don’t you check this out? (holding out his billfold. When he sees puzzled expressions on the pretty faces, he flips it round) Library card – of course. It’s with – (fingers nose: apparently the universal symbol for “Rory”) I need a spare. Pale creepy girls who don’t like sunlight and can’t be seen … Huh – Am I thinking what I think I’m thinking? But the city – why shut down the city? Unless –
Pale Creepy Girls: Leave now, signor, or we shall call for the steward. (all smile) If you’re lucky.
Doctor: Ooh! (as they start to advance) Tell me the whole plan! (they continue toward him, now with all teeth showing) One day that’ll work … I would love to stay here – this whole thing, I’m thrilled, this is Christmas! – (flees)
Doctor: Gunpowder! Most people just nick stationery from where they work!
Amy: Your daughter! You look about nine!
Guido: I thought you were her fiance.
Doctor: Yeah, that’s not helping.
Rory: They’re vampires, for God’s sake!
Doctor: We hope. … Makes you wonder what could be so bad it doesn’t actually mind us thinking it’s a vampire…
Rory: And you kissed her back.
Doctor: No, I kissed her mouth. … She kissed me because I was there. It would have been you – it should have been you.
Rory: You know what’s dangerous about you? It’s not that you make people take risks. It’s that you make them want to impress you. You make it so they don’t want to let you down. You have no idea how dangerous you make people to themselves when you’re around.
Doctor: Cab for Amy Pond?
Rosanna: We ran from the Silence. Why are you here?
Doctor: Wedding present. The Silence?
Rosanna: There were cracks. Some were tiny. Some were as big as the sky. Through some we saw worlds with people. And through others we saw silence, and the end of all things. We fled to an ocean like ours and the cracks snapped shut behind us. And Saturnyne was lost.
Rosanna: What do you say?
Doctor: Where’s Isabella?
Doctor: The girl who saved my friend.
Rosanna (completely matter-of-fact): Oh, deserters must be executed. Any general will tell you. I need an answer, Doctor. A partnership. Any which way you choose.
Doctor: I don’t think that’s such a good idea, do you? I’m a Time Lord. You’re a big fish. Think of the children. …I will tear down the House of Calvieri stone by stone. … You know why? You didn’t know Isabella’s name.
Amy: If they’re fish people, it explains why they hate the sun. (It does?)
Doctor: Ah ah ah – stop talking, brain thinking, hush. (covers her mouth)
Rory: It’s the school thing I don’t understand …
Doctor: Ah ah ah – stop talking, brain thinking, hush. (covers his mouth)
Guido: I say we take the fight to them!
Doctor: Ah ah!
Doctor: Ah! (having run out of hands, nods at Rory, who obliges)
And from upstairs there is an almighty crash.
The Doctor (with a hopeful expression): The people upstairs are very noisy.
Guido: There aren’t any people upstairs.
Doctor: I knew you were going to say that, did anyone else know he was going to say that?
Doctor: Blimey. Fish from space have never been so … buxom.
Rory: You … big stupid Spongebob!
Rory: Did you miss me?
Amy (*thwack*): I knew I’d be coming back.
Rosanna: Such determination just to save one city! Hard to believe it’s the same man that let an entire race burn to cinders and ash.
Doctor: I told you, you can’t go back and change time! You mourn, but you live! I know, Rosanna, I did it!
Rosanna: Tell me, Doctor, can your conscience carry the weight of another dead race? Remember us. Dream of us.
– And she dives into the water to be eaten by her sons. It’s over very quickly.
Amy: I will pop the kettle on. Hey, look at this! I got my spaceship, I got my boys – my work here is done!
(she dances into the TARDIS)
Rory: Uh, we are NOT her boys.
Doctor: Yeah we are.
Rory (taking it back so fast he overlaps): Yeah we are.
Doctor: Rory, listen to that.
Rory: Uh, what? All I can hear is silence.
– Yup. Silence. Not the sounds of the marketplace, or of the water in the canal, or even of the TARDIS door closing behind them. Silence.
Doctor: Well, I wanted to see how you were – you know me, I don’t just abandon people when they leave the TARDIS. This Time Lord’s for life. You don’t get rid of your old pal the Doctor that easily!
Amy: You came here by mistake, didn’t you?
Doctor: Bit of a mistake, yeah. But look, what a result! Look at this nice … bench. What a nice bench. What will they think of next?
Doctor: I’m getting on a bit, you see – don’t let the cool gear fool you.
Doctor: Did I say nightmare? No, more of a really good … mare…
Doctor: Hold on tight – this is gonna be a tricky one.
Doctor: Stop talking to me when I’m cross!
Dream Lord: If you had any more tawdry quirks you could open up a Tawdry Quirk Shop. The madcap vehicle, the cockamamie hair, the clothes designed by a first-year fashion student… I’m surprised you haven’t got a little purple space dog just to ram home what an intergalactic wag you are.
Doctor: I told you – trust nothing you see or hear or feel – look around you, examine everything, look for all the details that don’t ring true.
Rory: OK, well, we’re on a spaceship that’s bigger on the inside than the outside –
Amy: With a bowtie-wearing alien –
Rory: – so maybe “what rings true” isn’t so simple.
Doctor: That’s a point.
The Doctor, in a nutshell: “There’s something there that doesn’t make sense. Let’s go and poke it with a stick.”
The Dream Lord: Last of the Time Lords, the Oncoming Storm, Him in a Bowtie… (of Rory) And what about the gooseberry here?
Amy: If we’re going to die let’s die looking like a Peruvian folk band.
Dream Lord: Poor Amy – he always leaves you, doesn’t he, alone in the dark. Never apologizes.
Amy: He doesn’t have to.
Dream Lord: “Friends”? Is that the right word for the people you acquire? Friends are people you stay in touch with. Your friends never see you again once they’ve grown up. The old man prefers the company of the young, does he not?
Amy: This is the dream.
Doctor: How do you know?
Amy: Because if this is real I don’t want it. I don’t want it.
Rory: Was it something I said? Can you tell me what it was so I can use it in emergencies? Birthdays?
Doctor: Sorry, wasn’t it obvious? The Dream Lord was me. (pause for shock waves to roll) Psychic pollen, it’s a mind parasite. Feeds on everything dark in you, gives it a voice, turns it against you. I’m nine hundred and seven. It had a lot to go on.
Amy: But why didn’t it feed on us too?
Doctor: The darkness in you pair, it would have starved to death in an instant. I choose my friends with great care.
The Hungry Earth
Vincent and the Doctor
The Pandorica Opens
The Big Bang
River: What in the name of sanity have you got on your head?
Doctor: It’s a fez, I wear a fez now. Fezzes are cool.
A Christmas Carol
Doctor: I wear a Stetson now. Stetsons are cool.